The Language Of Empathy

Improving The Brain, To Match The Empathic Heart

2009-08-25T06:35:00.001-07:00

Alot of the time, Empaths are feelers and sensors alone, which is the beginning phase of being an Empath where it is so overwhelming they want to run and hide. They have a hard time connecting this to their cognitive mind,where real control of their gifts can be achieved, or they do it at such an instinctive or subconscious level that they have no base for working with it consciously. So to help bring that into the forefront I suggest trying sites like these to help improve memory and general brain function. Things like metaphors,optical illusions, and brain teasers help a person to shift their perspective to think outside of their safe box, which can be applied to Empaths to help them see from the other person's perspective more readily.

Conscious knowing and understanding means that a person is able to optimize the ability to work with their abilities, access them at different levels as the need calls for it, and hold on to who they are as they work with others, so that drowning feeling ceases.

You may be asking yourself, whats the point? But the answer is written above. They are all interconnected, just as your heart and brain are. When one is working at a higher rate than the other or they are not aligned, it can leave one feeling like they are drowning, depressed, and so on. So its worth the time to try these. You don't have to be good at them. That comes with time and practice. Just be patient and don't assume everything rides on one test, one quiz, one question or one game. They are there simply to help you learn and nothing more.

So try the games and check out the websites for more. They are all well worth the time. ^_^

Brain Games

Websites

Braingle
Braintenance
Sharp Brains - Brain Teasers
Memory-Improvement-Tips.com (Brain Games Training)
Games For The Brain
Brain Games By Lumosity
BrainBashers
PedagoNet - Problem Solving
Bill's Games: Brain Teasers
Syvum: Brain Teasers & Math Puzzles

Perspective Writing ~ An Exercise In Empathy

2009-08-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Perspective writing is all about Empathy. It teaches one to see from another perspective ~ of those you would not normally notice or care about. It takes you into the mind of another person. And whether the person is a fictional character in a book or a real person, with real problems, you can see through their eyes and feel what they feel.

So try it. Write from the perspective of someone else, imagined or real, that you would not normally consider, because they do not personally touch your life. Give thought to their situation, their physical reality (cloths, face, eyes, hands, the places they dwell in, etc.), and their emotional and mental state at the time of the writing. See through their eyes and write from their perspective.

Its amazing how eye opening this exercise can be.

Here is an example:

The Shadows of Society

It is dark beneath the shadow moon,
as she walks the streets,
alone in her plight.
She is no more than a wisp of smoke
to those who pass her by,
unnoticed and uncared for,
she is forgotten.

Her face is covered in filth and dirt,
caked layer upon layer,
and her eyes are glazed and empty as
her silent pleas for help go unheard.
A single tear smears the dirt as
it traces a path down her cheek
and falls onto the tattered rags
she wears to survive the elements.

She stares through windows
into a world of sheltered security
that she will never have,
that she will never be a part of,
and she can do nothing more
than stand in her confusion,
lost in the world of the past
when she walked among the living of society.

But always reality is brought back to hern
for she is shunned for being unable
to live up to the expectations of society
and she is disregarded as nothing more
than a burden upon society.

And she wonders where
she will sleep tonight,
and if she will live to see another day
of hunger and loneliness.

Yesterday she was a
wife and mother,
with a family,
a home,
and a job,
but today, well, today
she is a forgotten nothing,
and always
a shadow of society.

Drawing by J E Kristiansen

Empathic Perspectives ~ An Exercise To Develop Empathic Perception

2009-08-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

We are going to be looking at an exercise to help you develop your empathy, by widening your base of perception. So lets start with a few basic definitions to help us get started and move on from there.

The Definitions

Feeler Clairsentience is a person picks up thoughts, feelings and experiences that manifest as a feeling. What they are feeling is energy translated into a feeling.

An Empath is a person who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. Empathy is the capability to share your feelings and understand another's emotion and feelings and is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".

Perspective in theory of cognition is the choice of a context or a reference (or the result of this choice) from which to sense, categorize, measure or codify experience, cohesively forming a coherent belief, typically for comparing with another. One may further recognize a number of subtly distinctive meanings, close to those of paradigm, point of view, or a reality tunnel.

On one site, Perception is defined as the process by which organisms interpret and organize sensation to produce a meaningful experience of the world.

Another defines Perception as:
1. awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation
2. physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience
3. quick, acute, and intuitive cognition
4. a capacity for comprehension

Empathic Perception is made possible through the power of visualization—to sense and become other living things. It is, in a sense, to leave the body and experience the Self in other forms of existence, and also to feel other forms of existence in one's self. It is both of these. It is the ultimate unity of all living things that makes empathic connection, possible.

Empathic Perception Exercise

This exercise is a multilayered exercise to help you hone your already developing abilities of Empathy and Feeler Clairsentience. It is written to help you focus your singular perception into a perception based in duality, which means, that you retain your own perception while at the same time sharing that of another. This is what I liked to call Empathic Shapeshifting. Another good blog about this topic to take a quick peek at is Personal Perspective Vs. Empathic Perspectives ~ A Balance. Before beginning this exercise I would recommend reading both of these blogs to have a better understanding of what we are about to do.

The Exercise

1. Pick a picture, object (organic or otherwise), person, animal, plant, spirit, etc., before hand to work with during this exercise.

2. Lay down, close your eyes, and relax. Slow your breathing until it is even. Let your mind be filled with absolutely nothing. This can be tough to do sometimes, so make sure you have a quiet place to do this in where you will not be disturbed. And for those of you would either hate to or simply can't meditate, fear not, because this is not a meditation. It is a visualization.

3. Once your eyes are closed, your mind is peaceful, and your body is relaxed, focus on the object or person you chose before. See it in your mind's eye in vivid detail. See yourself holding it, and note the sensations the object sends through your senses, like how it smell, how it looks, how it feels along your fingertips, the weight of it, the smoothness, graininess, or the roughness of it, whether it is pleasing to the eye or not (yes this includes people as well, so try not to let your mind wonder to something naughty if you are working with a person please).

4. If you are working with a person, think about their emotional reactions and how they react to certain stimuli, such as a surprise birthday party, stress, romance, lust, tragedy, etc. Think about how their mind works. Do they react logically to any given situation with more of a 'problem solving' attitude or do they react emotionally to any given situation with a 'people pleasing' attitude.

5. Now see this person's eyes, or the object as though it were directly in your line of sight.

6. Using all of the information you have just accumulated about the person or object, and try to shift your perspective, while retaining your own at a distance, to see through the other chosen object/person's perspective. Another way to say it is, be the person or object. But remember to keep this exercise in the first person, as though you yourself are actually there, and not third person, where you are watching from above but have no direct interaction with what is going on.
See scenarios and react to them as they would.

If its an animal, as an example, such as a squirrel, imagine yourself storing food away for the impending winter. Feel the driving urge to find food quickly so that you will have enough to live on. And then imagine, as you are running along because you smell food somewhere, a car pulling into the driveway of a human home. What are your instincts telling you? What is your body doing? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you seeing?

If its a person, see their face. Superimpose that face onto your own. See through their eyes and feel what they feel. Say they told you about a very traumatic experience in their lives. Visualize that event, via your imagination and based on the details they shared with you about the event, no matter how sketchy it might be. Improvise the rest. Now, while still in first person, go through this even as the other person might have. Knowing their personality, in detail, will help further this process along. React to it as they might have. Let your emotions be real here, whether it brings you to tears or causes you to laugh. See through that person's eyes as you become that person for a while.

If it is an object, say like a very high walled and smoothly rounded bowl, feel that within yourself. Feel yourself as round. Feel the smoothness, the roughness, or what have you, against your skin. Feel your own weight. Feel your own translucence. Feel how you shimmer (or not) in the light. Let the colors of this object simply become you. In other words, be the bowl.

7. While doing this exercise, it is always best to start with something small and work your way up to something bigger, particularly if you are just beginning to do this.

8. This exercise doesn't take very long, and if you practice it enough, it can become second nature. What this means is that when you encounter someone else or a particular object or animal, you will begin to naturally shift your perception toward the other party, without realizing that you do it.

Susan Seddon Boulet Art Slideshow

2009-07-23T09:42:00.001-07:00

Here is about 100 pieces of Susan Seddon Boulet artwork. See if you can find the metaphors within it.

The Subliminal Metaphor

2009-07-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

A friend showed me this and I thought it was another fascinating example of metaphors being used. Enjoy!

Optical Illusions Part 2

2009-07-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

Optical Illusions

How Many bears can you find?

Word Illusions

Teach or Learn?

Optical or Illusion?

Good or Evil?

Optical Illusions To Test Your Perception

2009-07-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

Looking through any door, or above this picture will allow you to enter a different perspective.

Do you see a man or a mermaid beneath the ocean?

How many wolves do you see?

Is it flat or are they going up to the top?

If you turn this one upside down, you will see another man.

Ladies drinking or a skull?

A man or lots of animals?

A ship sailing on the ocean or a skull?

A woman surrounded by baskets of bread or lots of skulls?

Are her eyes opened or closed?

Do you see a man with a mustache or a woman with her arm outstretched?

Man or books?

This one is a little bit difficult. Look beneath the table to find the change in perspective.

How many tigers?

Hearts a plenty.

Can you find the hidden faces of both humans and animals here?

This one is wooded optical illusion art.

Ants moving along the same path and yet.......

Jesus or a bunch of people surrounding him on a donkey?

Woman or harp?

Old man or man on a horse leaving another man sleeping?

This one is a double optical illusion. First the wall looks as though it goes in two directions, and the hands become people in the fetal position.

Ape or Hand?

Angel Or Waterfall?

This one is just fun.

How many horses can you find?

The impossible optical illusion.

The Devil or ladies?

This one must be turned to truly see what it is. Is it just a landscape, or something more?

If you look in the center you will find a face.

Can you see the face?

One big cat or lots of cats? How many can you see?

Another optical illusion that must be turned upside down to see.

How many dolphins can you find?

A circus gymnastics troupe or a railway bridge?

Earth or Earth Mother?

Twins obviously, but very interesting optical illusion.

A Perspective Slide Show Of Optical Illusions

2009-07-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

The Hardest Riddle

2009-07-23T07:06:00.001-07:00

I found this and thought, given all of the riddles and optical illusions, one more wouldn't hurt. lol

Perspective Test 2

2009-07-23T07:04:00.000-07:00

Here are some riddles that force you to change your perception to find the correct answer. Scroll down for the answers.

1. If there are five apples, and you take away three, how many do you have?

2. Lee's parents emigrated from China. They have five children. The first four are named La, Le, Li, and Lo. What did they name the fifth?

3. A red house is made from red bricks, a blue house is made from blue bricks, a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks. What is a greenhouse made from?

4. The Spanish Civil War, which began July 17 of 1936, was fought between who?

5. In baseball, how many outs are there in an inning?

6. Do they have a Fourth of July in England?

7. A rancher has 33 head of cattle standing in a field, when suddenly a bolt of lightning kills all but 9 of them. How many head of cattle are left standing?

8. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hand move in one hour?

9. Due to a birth defect, a boy is born with 14 toes, 11 fingers, and 3 thumbs. How many fingernails does the boy have?

10. Some months have 31 days, and some months have 30 days. But how many have 28 days?

11. You're the pilot of an airplane that travels from New York to Chicago - a distance of 800 miles. The plane travels at 200 MPH and makes one stop for 30 minutes. What is the pilot's name?

12. If the Vice President of the United States died, who would be President?

13. John digs a hole that is 2 yards wide, 3 yards long, and 1 yard deep. How many cubic feet of dirt are in it?

14. Two U.S. coins are worth a total of $0.30, and one of them is not a nickel. What are the coins?

Keep going for the answers..........

Answers:
1. 3
2. Lee
3. Glass
4. Just Spain
5. 3
6. Yes (just not a holiday)
7. 9
8. 60
9. 11
10. 12
11. Your Name
12. The President
13. 0 (no dirt in a hole)
14. A Quarter and a Nickel

Emotional & Empathic Connections

2009-07-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

Emotional and Empathic connections can be harrowing and overwhelming at times. At its worst, the Empath loses their sense of self and is left with the uncertainty of where they end and the other person begins. This is one of the greatest dangers to the vulnerable Empathic psyche, because it leaves the Empath open to manipulation, emotional assault, emotional uncertainty, and emotional burnout.

So what we will look at here are a number of ways to counteract this problem and rebalance the emotional give to take ratio of the Empath. So to get started lets look at some definitions, so that we get a better idea of what we will be discussing.

Definitions

Emotional Connection is something that goes beyond just the physical. It's being able to relate to a person on an emotional level- being able to share your feelings with them, being open and vulnerable, and trusting that person not to hurt you emotionally. The connection has to work both ways. It's not a true connection if you share your feelings but the other person holds everything back. Communication is the key to being emotionally connected with another person.

An Empathic Connection is a bond formed with another person, by an Empath. This bond, which is deeper than an emotional connection, allows the Empath to shift perspectives, and walk a mile in the other person's shoes and see through their eyes. In other words, its not just relating to the emotions of the other person, but is literally feeling the other person's emotions.

Emotional Uncertainty is based on specific emotions (fear, hope, etc.) which rise out of the uncertainty of a situation or event and the level of risk involved in undertaking that situation.
Here are some definitions of the word Shield:
1. A broad piece of armor made of rigid material and strapped to the arm or carried in the hand for protection against hurled or thrusted weapons.

2. A person or thing that provides protection.

3. A protective device or structure

4. To protect or defend with or as if with a shield; guard. See Synonyms at defend.

5. To cover up; conceal.

6. To act or serve as a shield or safeguard.

Emotional Shielding refers to protecting oneself from being overloaded with emotion.

Emotional Distance involves setting aside for a brief period of time one’s own feelings
and one’s own personal needs in order to attend more objectively to the needs of the
person receiving care. Setting aside one’s feelings does not mean abandoning or shutting off personal feelings or the feelings for the person receiving care. It means being available on an emotional level and on a physical level in order to provide appropriate care in a caring manner. At the same time personal feelings are set aside temporarily to allow a focus on the immediate act of caregiving.

Emotional Detachment, in psychology, can mean two different things. In the first meaning, it refers to an inability to connect with others emotionally, as well as a means of dealing with anxiety by preventing certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as "emotional numbing" or dissociation, Depersonalization or in its chronic form Depersonalization disorder. In the second sense, it is a type of mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons. These senses are within the framework of psychology and academia, not those of everyone else in the world.

The Problem

To understand this very real problem that effects the Empathic Connection process, first we must understand what an 'Empath' is exactly and what the gift of 'empathy' allows this type of person to do. An Empath is a person who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. Empathy is the capability to share your feelings and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes," or in some way experience what the other person is feeling.

So, as we discussed in the opening of this blog, through Empathy, an Empath forms an Emotional/Empathic bond with the person they are working with. In so doing, they open themselves up to feeling the emotions of that other person, as though they were the Empath's own emotions.

This is a blessing, in that it allows the Empath to understand the person they are connecting with on a much deeper and personal level, than someone without a highly developed sense of empathy. It allows the Empath to vicariously see through the other person's eyes and understand their perspective in a much more intimate way, as well. These abilities enhance the acts of giving help, hope, support and advice to others ten fold. But this is the externalized half of the puzzle, and there is much more going on, than just this, beneath the surface of the Empath.

Beneath the surface of the Empathic Psyche, which is almost always focused eternally, even sometimes to the detrement of the Empath, is a much deeper wellspring of issues. Because when we say that Empaths are hypersensitive to the emotions and moods of others, they also tend to be emotionally hypersensitive when it comes to their own emotions. A few terms for this are hypersensitive, high maintanance, and highly or overly emotional.

As a coping mechanism, and a way of shutting down that geiser of internal emotions, the Empath seperates themselves from their emotional selves and, metaphorically speaking, hides it in a closet or a box. This leaves behind the facets of the Empathic Personality that are deemed a 'blessing' instead of a 'curse' and allows the Empath to give complete and total focus to the external world and the people around them, who are in need.

It sounds completely altruistic, doesn't it? One person sacificing a piece of themselves to help others without expectation or judgment. And it would be, if it were not for the undlying issues within the Empath that are being avoided. Because this, is a very big act of avoidance.

It is a refusal to deal with personal issues, past traumas, low self esteem and self worth, and even beneath that, the wealth of their own emotions. Instead of interweaving all of those pieces into the the matrix of the Empathic self, all of these things are pushed back into the darkness and avoided until the person is afraid to open that door, for fear of what they will find.

Being unable to cope with ones own issues and emotions, leaves the Empath vulnerable to manipulation, emotional assault, emotional uncertainty, and emotional burnout. This is because they take on the emotions of others, with no viable coping skills readily at hand to assist them in dealing with it, other than avoidance. And they are so faceted, that none of this inner turmoil is shown as they work with other people. So it appears to the outside world, that the emotions of the other person flow through the Empath like a breeze flows through the leaves of a tree.

So the problem, which rises out of the avoidance of self, is learning to cope with the overwhelming influx of emotions from other people.

Short Term & Long Term Answers

In the short term, there are a number of techniques one can use to cope with the overwhelming nature of your Empathic gift. I will not pretend to be an expert in this area. I have one favorite technique that I liked to use, and will list it below. But I also think its wise to have some other techniques at hand, as one technique will work better for some than others.

The Technique

Close your eyes. Picture your chakras full of swirling energy. Imagine the heart chakra in your minds eye. The heart chakra is the base of emotion. Now imagine a flower (I prefer to picture a lotus blossom) blooming out of the core that is your heart chakra. See the flower in detail. See the center of the flower and imagine pushing out all of that negative energy. Picture black gas being pushed out of the flower’s center and dissipating into nothingness in he air.

The reason this works is because chakras are energy portals. If they can take in energy, then they can also release energy.

Some other techniques I've found useful and would recommend can be found at these sites:

Elise LeBeau's Empath Survival Program

The Mirror Protection Technique
About Transparency

Closing Of Auras Technique

Another important area of discussion, in the short term, is shields. Everyone has their own preferences, of course. And there is no wrong or right, when it comes to shielding. It is simply what works best for you. So here are some different types of shielding you might think about working with, but get creative and find one that works best for you.

1. Shifting Shields are constantly altering the appearance of your shield. This technique can be applied to many types, provided you can maintain it. The Borg in the Star Trek TV show use ship shields that constantly change in frequency in order to defeat things like tracking beams — this is a similar idea.

2. Redirectional Shielding redirects incoming energy and sends it back out. While it sounds similar to a mirror shield, it’s different because you need to interact with the incoming energy in order to redirect it.

3. Reflective Shielding is a mental mirror surrounding you that causes all incoming energy to be reflected back out without effect. Can also be thought of a a “rubber ball” shield. If you like, this can also be modified to form a filter, only letting in the energy you want. An example would be a completely shiny surface, similar to hematite.

4. Multidirectional Shielding works as above, but instead of reflecting energy back the way it came, reflects energy in any random direction, or ricochets off at particular angles. An example would be multifaceted crystal that throws light everywhere.

5. Wall Shields can be visualized as a ball, egg or some other shaped mass of energy surrounding you. You can give it particular colors if you desire, or leave it colorless.

Here are a few Shielding Techniques:

Reflective or Mirror Shields

Psi-Shields

Some links on Grounding, Centering, and Shielding:

http://www.occult100.com/bos/grounding-centering-shielding.html
http://healing.about.com/cs/uc_directory/a/uc_groundewing3.htm
http://www.spiritual.com.au/articles/witchcraft/shielding-grounding-centering.htm
http://www.witchscauldron.net/cauldron/shielding.htm
http://www.church-of-earth-healing.org/ground.pdf
http://www.blueskywaters.com/groundcentersh.pdf
http://www.alumbo.com/article/10725-Ground-Center-Shield.html
http://jeannelupypciw.wordpress.com/2007/10/31/grounding-meditation-technique-help-with-life/
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/wicca_witchcraft/111978
http://members.cox.net/zyphurse/energy/psychic_shielding.pdf
http://psychichelps.com/p_empathic_shielding.htm

The Long Term Answer

So you've seen lots of ways to help you protect yourself and cope with the overwhelming nature of this gift. But those are only short term remedies. If you wish to have long term peace of heart, mind and body, I would recommend you open that door and allow yourself to get to know the you that has been hidden away and unacknowledged for so long.

So remember, this gift comes naturally to you. Its only when you fight it, deny it, and in the process, deny yourself, that it becomes a struggle. You are fighting your true nature. But as always, its up to you in what you choose to do or not do with your gifts.

Personal Perspective Vs. Empathic Perspective ~ A Balance

2009-07-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

Personal Perspective Vs. Empathic Perspective

Personal perspective is basically the view from which you see the world, on an intimate level. It is how you perceive the world around you. It is your personal judgments, likes and dislikes, motives, etc.

Empathic Perspective is the ability to see through another person's perspective and 'walk a mile n their shoes'. Whether this is done simply with emotion, or with the addition of visualization through imagination is irrelevant. As your ability to control empathic perspective grows, so to will your ability to not only feel others emotions, but also to see their experiences through their eyes.

What's the point of this discussion, right? The problem with Empathic Perspective is that most empaths are unbonded, meaning they have a natural gift of Empathy, but retain no control over it. This forces a problem to arise, which to the layman would seem bizarre. Because of a lack of control over their gifts, an Empath's personal perspective can be lost in the overwhelming depth of another's perspective, when they are working through empathic perception.

This drawback of Empathic perspective can cause serious problems to arise. It leaves the Empath feeling lost and alone in a sea of emotions not their own. It can beget depression, and even suicide attempts.

So the objective of learning to control this gift of Empathy is to bring these two aspects of oneself into focus and balance, so that one does not outweigh the other. And to do this, one must have a deep sense of self, so as to force consideration not just for the person the Empath links to, but also for themselves. And this is the hardest thing for an Empath to do, because their focus and intent is always pointed outwardly toward others. Their truest purpose in life is focused toward others.

This attitude is unbalanced and unhealthy for Empaths. So, in realizing this what can one do to alter the situation, bringing both personal and empathic perspective into balance?

To have a sense of self, through self esteem, is the most important means by which one is able to ground themselves, because it forces you to be aware of yourself as much as another person. It makes you a tangible variable in the equation of Empathic work. Because once there is a steady foundation within you, of who you are beyond your gifts of Empathy, the easier it is to retain that sense of self when reaching out to others on an empathic level.

So how does one find their true self, in the face of all of the overwhelming weight of others? Try reading here for some helpful answers:
http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/2009/03/realizing-recognizing-your-true-self.html

And for one method of holding onto your self in the face of that weight, read here:
http://empathicperspectives.blogspot.com/2009/03/empathic-shapeshifting.html

You will find that once you can retain your sense of self, you will discover how much easier being an Empath can be. And at that point it won't be about learning to control your gift, it will simply be about doing, because there is no more confusion to stand in the way of what you are compelled to do. There is you, with your personal perspective, and there is you and the person you are helping , with empathic perspective. And each is separate and unique within you.

Mask Of The Empath

2009-07-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

We all pretty much know what Empathy is, right? We've all read the descriptions (usually more than one) that give off a list of traits we compare ourselves to, in order to determine if we are an Empath or not.

And most of us, if not all, have learned, through their sense and feel of other peoples emotions, to shift, mimic and/or reflect not just others emotions, but personality traits as well. Most normal people would call this chameleon type behavior a way of fitting in, a form of manipulation, or an out and out lie. And the result of this misunderstanding is that what they fail to comprehend and/or understand hurts you, pushing you further away from those who judge.

But once you step beyond the censorship of society and the unfounded judgments of others, you come to the heart of what is going on. This is where we ask ourselves the hard hitting questions.'Am I so superficial that I can not connect with anyone without wearing a mask?'

'Am I that see through to other people?'

'Is my reaching out to others merely a subconscious cry for what I lack in my own life?"

'Am I really doing any good with my gift?'

'Am I really an Empath? Or am I ___________(insert crazy, weird, freak or any other term you wish here)?'

All of these things begin to whisper and reverberate through your mind. And with a seed of doubt planted, your insecurities, fears, and embarrassment grow. This occurs while all of your innate abilities are suppressed in an effort to conform. How long did your last attempt to conform last?

The truth here is subjective, just as empathy on a whole is. We do what we do for a multitude of reasons. One of these reasons is because we truly do care and wish to help others. Another is that it is an avenue of escape from focusing on yourself and your own problems and emotions.

But in all of this complicated mess, there is an important question that is almost always overlooked. Is the mask that you wear when you are helping others a part of you, a facet of the totality which is you? Or is it a lie, something made up to appease the other person and subtly manipulate them at the same time?

Are you an Empathic Shapeshifter, who can shift their personality from one facet to another at your leisure, in order to help others cope and deal with their problems? Or again, is it a lie?

Is this situation perceived only in black and white, or is there a gray middle ground where compromise can be found facilitating balance?

Of course I can not answer these things for you, even though a part of you wishes i would offer easy answers. But if I did offer an answer, would it be right for everyone or just some people? And how much value will you truly place on an answer that is handed to you, instead of you finding it yourself? So, as always, this is offered up as food for thought. ^_^

A Perception Test

2009-07-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

Perception Quiz

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)!

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)

6. What 2 #s (on that same telephone dial) don't have letters by them?

7. When you walk does your right arm swing with your right or left leg?

8. How many matches are in a standard pack?

9. On USA flag, is the top stripe red or white?

10. What is the lowest # on the FM dial?

11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter?or clockwise?

12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?

15. On an NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?

16. Which way do fans rotate?

17. Whose face is on a dime?

18. How many sides does a stop sign have?

19. Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?

20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

25. On which playing card is the card maker’s trademark?

26. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

27. On the back of a $1, what is in the center?

28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

29. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?

30. Does a merry?go?round turn counterclockwise or clockwise?

Scroll down for answers

Keep scrolling......

Keep Going.........

1. Bottom
2. 50 (please tell me you at least got this one!)
3. right
4. blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold
5. Q, Z
6. 1, 0
7. left
8. 20
9. Red
10. 88
11. counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator)
12. towards bottom right
13. 12 (no #1)
14. right
15. top
16. clockwise as you look at it
17. Roosevelt
18. 8 (or 10?)
19. left
20. 5
21. 6
22 Bashful
23. 6
24. Did you notice there wasn't question #24?
25. Ace of spades
26. left
27. ONE
28. *, #
29. 3
30. counter

A Prime Example Of Shifting Perspectives

2009-07-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

I was reading and came upon a link to a youtube video. And discovered the perfect example of Shifting Perspectives. Like everything else in this world, its how you look at it, that determines what you see.

Senses and Empathy: Understanding the Experience Both Online and Offline

2009-07-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

You may or may not have read the thread I posted called Empathic Senses. This one is a follow up, written to offer a more detailed description of the use of senses in Empathy. And what happens to an Empath when they are working online, and are stripped of the use of their senses, as they are accustomed to using them in the process of Empathy in real time.

The Use of Senses in Empathy

The two most important senses for an Empath working in real time are their eyes and their ears. The others can play their own parts, but are of less significance.The Eyes

An Empath, who is working in real time, uses their eyes to see minute changes in the physical body of the person they are working with. This is called Reading Body Language and is an important tool within the Empath's arsenal. It offers added information, on top of what is being said by the speaker, and felt by the Empath.

What kinds of things does one look for in this process?

1. Facial Features - How wide are the eyes open? Are the eyes puffy and darkly ringed? Is the mouth tightly closed, as though it were stressed? Does their skin seem pale? Is there sweat coming off them? Are the tips of the ears red? Is there nose red, as though they have been crying?2. Body Language - Are their hands tightly fisted? Do their palms appear to be sweaty? Are their hands shaky? Is their body, on the whole, shaky? Is their posture slumped? Are their arms folded over themselves, as though to console and/or protect themselves? As they are sitting, are their folded legs pointing toward you or away from you? Is their body pointed toward you or away from you as they speak? Do their shoulders, neck, and back seem tight, as though they are stressed? Do they use their hands alot as they express themselves? Do they has goose flesh? Does their skin seem pale or red? Does their skin seem sweaty or greasy?

Seems like alot to take notice of in such a short span of time, but realize you are doing this unconsciously as you work as an Empath anyway. This is more to bring the mechanics of it to the surface to better understand the process, rather than to teach you something completely foreign and new to you.

The Ears

An Empath uses their ears, particularly during Empathic Listening (active or reflective listening), to pick up the subtle changes in a person's voice. These include, but are not limited to, the rate of their breathing, the heaviness of their breathing, the timber of their voice, the inflection that they use, the tone of their voice (whether free flowing or tight), accented speech which was otherwise unnoticeable, how well they pronounce their words, the words they choose, how they choose to use those words in sentence and paragraph structure, the repetition of words, the speed of speech.

This is another extremely important tool for an Empath working in real time because it adds another dimension to the information they are collecting about the person and their situation. Add this to what is collected with the eyes and the Empathic sense, and one has a deep well base of information from which to draw understanding and to form opinions and formulate resolution plans.

The Other Senses

The other senses, smelling, touching, and tasting, come into play less often in the Empathic experience, but should not be discounted. This is because each offers its on unique perspective into the person you are focused on at the time. And you never know when you might need those things.

Say you sit down to eat a meal prepared by the person who is asking for help. And you have tasted their cuisine before and know their general skill of cooking. Imagine your first bite of this food, and imagine that they have added to much salt, to much pepper, mistakenly exchanged sugar for salt (or vice versa). This is an indication that there is an underlying problem distracting the focus of the person who prepared the food, discovered by your taste buds.

Imagine a hygienic person who is asking for help, who has a horrible smell of sweat. While its true that they could have been working or exercising, its also safe to assume that this was caused by stress brought on by their problem. And in this, your nose becomes an important tool.

Imagine another person asking for help, and as you lay your hands on theirs to offer support, you feel tremors run through their hands. Or you lay your hands on their arms and you feel goose flesh form under your palm. These could be indications of upset and trauma. In this, your hands become an important tool, as well.

The Online Empath

You know the difference between an Empath working in real time and an Online Empath. Even if you don't consciously realize it, you know the difference because you have been through it yourself. So what is it?

What Is Missing

The Online Empath loses some of the tools that they are able to rely on in real time, and in the process gains others in exchange. These tools in question are the Senses, at least as described above. There is no physical body, which means there is no body language from which the Empath can draw from in understanding. There are only words. (Understand that we are speaking of text based communication here, and not video or online verbal communication)

So now that you know what is lost, lets look at what is gained with working empathically online.

What is Gained

An Online Empath, when acclimated to the online world, uses what tools are available to them, but they become enhanced. These include Empathic Emotional Sensing, the eyes, and the imagination. And of course an Empath's innate cognitive abilities to process all of these things as a whole (which is used both online and in real time).

Since this thread is about the senses, we will skip over the Empathic Emotional Sensing ability that we all have. It is understood, I think, by all of us to a certain degree. ^_^

And so we move onto the Eyes, yet again. Here, instead of reading body language, your eyes do the work of what your ears normally do in real time. They read the words the speaker is writing, and process them the way the ears do. They judge based on words used, punctuation (or lack there of), spelling, grammar, the use of abbreviations, sentence and paragraph structure, and the overall sentiment being expressed. This is called Linguistic Empathy (a concept I've written about in another thread).

Next comes the imagination. Empaths, more often than not, have a penchant for writing, watching movies, and reading books that are all heavy laden with emotion. This helps to broaden the Empath's imaginative capabilities.

Because of this focused use of imagination, it is still easy for the Empath who works online to place themselves in another's shoes and see through their eyes based on the other person's words. Its as easy as reading a first person perspective book. Its the same process one does in real time, save for where the description comes from. In real time it is verbal, online it is written.

All of these abilities are changed and/or enhanced because of the change in environment and means of interaction. This does not change your purpose. It only changes the way you go about achieving that purpose. ^_^

The Empathic Senses

2009-07-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

Our gifts are as much based on our ability to see, as it is based on our ability to feel what others feel. But what if you couldn't see. How would you read another person without seeing their facial expressions and looking at the body language. What would you do?

Would you rely in your own intuition, your feelings, and your imagination to see you trhough? You hear a voice full of pain and you see a face in your mind, tension building in the eyes and around he mouth as they speak, possibly even tears.

What if your on the computer and you have neither sight nor sound. All you have is words. How will you read the person asking for help?

Can you picture their problem? Or possibly remember one of your own that is similar in feeling, and relate to it through that experience? Do you look at each word written and how it is used to judge emotion? Or do you simply feel through intuition.

Its important to realize that empathy is not just a feeling ability. In using it to its fullest potential, you use all of your senses, along with your ability to feel what others feel, to reach out and help others. Sight.......sound......touching......smelling........and even tasting all enhance the empathic experience, bringing your 6th sense, as it were, to life. It makes it a much richer and deeper experience for both you and the one you wish to heal.

The more you recognize your senses consciously, the stronger your gift will become because you are aware. You smell deep rich smells. You taste every herb used in food. You see the changing colors of the leaves in a vibrant rainbow of color. You hear crickets, birds, and even the leaves falling.. You feel the warmth of the hearth as it burns brightly to warm your soul.

All of these things bring your gift to life. It allows you to feel and see deeper into the person, and place yourself in their shoes to understand them better. So when you look around yourself and you curse all the leaves that are falling, or you feel the cold nipping at your toes, remember to stop and appreciate all the wondrous miracles that surround you.

Changing Perspectives Through Empathic Awareness

2009-07-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

There are usually only two perspectives through which an Empath is able to see. And this is not to assume that all Empaths see through one or both of these, and no other, either. But the first reactions of an Empath tend to flow through these two perspectives. The first is becoming emotionally drowned in the other person's emotions, where in they are unable to recognize the differences between their own distinct emotions and the other person's. The other is utter emotional detachment, or closing themselves off in their shells.

The First Perspective

The first perspective is that of the completely unaware or newly developing Empath, drowning and becoming lost in a dark ocean of other people's emotions. It is that feeling we all have experienced once in our lives as Empaths, where we feel connected to a person, and we travel deeper and deeper into that person at a rapid rate. We lose sight of our boundaries and theirs. And we sink, as though were were in quicksand, into the moors of their psyche. And when this happens, even the most developed of Empaths can have a hard time distinguishing where they end and the other person begins.

This is a destructive way to wander through life. You have no sense of self, no self value, no self esteem or worth. You have nothing other than what is bestowed upon you by others and their emotions. Its like walking around as an empty husk, filled with nothing of your own. And it is this perspective that, sadly, can breed Empathic victims who constantly rebound themselves into cycles of abuse and manipulation.

This particular perspective is sometimes hard to rise above, because more often than not, there is no conscious awareness of what the person is, an Empath. And if they are aware, they do not realize there are ways to rise above the ocean they see themselves drowning in both literally and metaphorically.

But once the realization is had, a new journey of self discovery and self awareness begins the likes of which the newly discovered Empath has never seen.

The Second Perspective

The second perspective is Emotional Detachment, or Shielding, which is a basic tenet of learning for any developing Empath. It is the ability to pull oneself away from the encroaching emotions of others, and hold oneself secure in a shield, bubble, shell, or whatever description you wish to add to it.

But this perspective promotes isolation and indirectly, depression, if it is done in excess. It is viable for a quick fix or a momentary point of time, when the Empath is being inundated with the overwhelming emotions of others. But it takes focus and concentration to maintain this state of mind. And it can lead to mental exhaustion in a very short time, if used to often or for long durations of time.

So this particular perspective is good for short bursts of time, particularly when one is a newly developing Empath. It is a great way to stop the flooding of emotions, particularly when one feels the complete weight of another bearing down on them. Its like a life preserver for those moments of necessity. But its not a practical long term tool.

In the first two perspectives you've seen an Empath go from an infantile state, where there is no ability to control the constant flux of emotions which flow in and out of them, to toddler's state of early development, where there is moderate control and a yearning for balance. But those are only the first steps into becoming an awakened Empath who is has both empathic awareness and the ability to manipulate and utilize their abilities at will in order to find a sense of balance and peace.The Third Perspective

The third perspective is a continuation of the second, but sits on a whole different level. Because for this one to work, one must bear a duality of skills and understanding to make it feasible. To make it possible, one must have the ability to shield or detach themselves emotionally from other people and an integrated imagination capable of visualizing different perspectives such as first person and third person (its a good thing empaths tend to be day dreamers full of creativity and imagination).

(On a side note, reading books, watching movies, and listening to extremely emotional music tend to enhance the imaginative capabilities of an Empath, giving them deeper insight and perspective without the real world attachments being added to it. And since it is vicarious, the feelings, no matter how strongly emoted, are indirect and thus have a lesser impact on the Empath, allowing them to learn without drowning.)

This perspective allows one to metaphorically pull themselves away from the onslaught of emotions, encapsulating themselves in their shield. The difference between the second and the third perspective is that the third has a window in it with a filter, which also leaves the Empath open to any and all who are in need of help.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, let me ask you a question. Have you ever stood with someone who you connected with empathically, but at the same time, felt yourself floating above the situation looking down at the same time? You become a dual presence, through your ability to imagine. You stand in both first person perspective and third person perspective, as one might do in a book, depending on the writer's choice. But in this case, you are the writer.

We find ourselves doing this unconsciously more often than we realize. It is actually second nature to us. But the difference here is the fact that you become consciously aware of what you are doing, and you learn to utilize and manipulate it at will, as you already did unconsciously at times. In being consciously aware of this, you realize you have it to use, instead of it simply being instinctual when you are in need.

This idea brings together all sides of your psyche, emotional, mental, and imaginative to work together toward a singular goal, with two different aspects. You still help the other person empathically and you retain your complete sense of self, without becoming lost in the muck of other people's emotional lives.

It might sound hard, but none of this is truly beyond your understanding and capabilities. But it takes time, focus, and practice. You have to work for it to make it happen. Otherwise no matter what I say, they are no more than words on a screen.

Think about it. ^_^

Cross Cultural Empathy

2009-07-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of Cultural Empathy? Do you know what it means? And can you do it? Can you , not only place yourself in the shoes of another person and see through their eyes, but also adopt their cultural perspective and understand why they see things the way they do?

This is one of the toughest forms of Empathy to cultivate because you are no longer within your own comfort zone when you place yourself in this type of perspective. It is completely foreign, and if you are not careful, influenced by your own opinions and prejudices (prejudices, in this case, do not necessarily mean racism, but simply the normal prejudices that are attached to your own cultural perspective) which can, in turn, taint what you are perceiving.

So lets take a look at some definitions to bring this topic into focus, shall we? And then we will look at how it really works, and an example of cultural perspective that few dare to think about in light of the war.

The Definitions

An Empath is a person who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. Empathy is the capability to share your feelings and understand another's emotion and feelings and is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".

Culture
1. Culture refers to the cumulative deposit of knowledge, experience, beliefs, values, attitudes, meanings, hierarchies, religion, notions of time, roles, spatial relations, concepts of the universe, and material objects and possessions acquired by a group of people in the course of generations through individual and group striving.
2. Culture is the systems of knowledge shared by a relatively large group of people.
3. Culture is communication, communication is culture.
4. Culture in its broadest sense is cultivated behavior; that is the totality of a person's learned, accumulated experience which is socially transmitted, or more briefly, behavior through social learning.
5. A culture is a way of life of a group of people--the behaviors, beliefs, values, and symbols that they accept, generally without thinking about them, and that are passed along by communication and imitation from one generation to the next.
6. Culture is symbolic communication. Some of its symbols include a group's skills, knowledge, attitudes, values, and motives. The meanings of the symbols are learned and deliberately perpetuated in a society through its institutions.
7. Culture consists of patterns, explicit and implicit, of and for behavior acquired and transmitted by symbols, constituting the distinctive achievement of human groups, including their embodiments in artifacts; the essential core of culture consists of traditional ideas and especially their attached values; culture systems may, on the one hand, be considered as products of action, on the other hand, as conditioning influences upon further action.
8. Culture is the sum of total of the learned behavior of a group of people that are generally considered to be the tradition of that people and are transmitted from generation to generation.
9. Culture is a collective programming of the mind that distinguishes the members of one group or category of people from another.

Cultural Perspective is the complex set of meanings, attitudes, values, and ideas belonging to a cultural group.

Cultural Universals are cultural traits that are shared by all of humanity collectively. Examples of such general traits are communicating with a verbal language, using age and gender to classify people, and raising children in some sort of family setting. No matter where people live in the world, they share these universal cultural traits. However, different cultures have developed their own specific ways of carrying out or expressing these general traits.

Cultural Empathy is the capacity, within a person, to identify with the feelings, thoughts and behavior of individuals from different cultural backgrounds.

Cultural Relativity is the suspending of one's ethnocentric judgments in order to understand and appreciate another culture. Anthropologists try to learn about and interpret the various aspects of the culture they are studying in reference to that culture rather than to their own. This provides a better understanding of how such practices as polygamy and cannibalism can function and even support other cultural traditions.

Culture Shock occurs when feelings of confusion, distress, and sometimes depression, that can result from the psychological stress caused by the strain of rapidly adjusting to an alien culture, arise in a person. This is a common phenomenon for travelers who are totally immersed in the language and customs of another society, day and night, without a break. It is largely due to being forced to constantly experience new, unfamiliar cultural practices and traditions. Transculturating people also are likely to experience culture shock. Until the new culture becomes familiar and comfortable, it is common to have difficulty in communicating and to make frustrating mistakes. This is usually compounded by feelings of homesickness. These feelings can be emotionally debilitating. However, culture shock eventually passes for most people.

Cultural Anthropology is the scientific study of the development of human cultures based on ethnologic, ethnographic, linguistic, social, and psychological data and methods of analysis.

Cultural Anthropology is a type of anthropology that deals with human culture especially with respect to social structure, language, law, politics, religion, magic, art, and technology.

Cultural Anthropology is the study of contemporary and recent historical cultures all over the world. The focus is on social organization, culture change, economic and political systems, and religion. Cultural anthropology is also referred to as social or sociocultural anthropology.

Linguistics is the study of the nature, structure, and variation of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, sociolinguistics, and pragmatics.

Linguistics is the study of human speech including the units, nature, structure, and modification of language.

Mediator is one that mediates, especially one that reconciles differences between disputants.

Mediation aims to assist two (or more) disputants in reaching an agreement. Whether an agreement results or not, and whatever the content of that agreement, if any, the parties themselves determine rather than accepting something imposed by a third party. The disputes may involve states, organizations, communities, individuals or other representatives with a vested interest in the outcome.

The Empath & The Mediator

There are many definitions of Empathy and Empath on the internet, beyond that which is listed above. Not to mention lists of traits, characteristics, benefits and shortcomings. But one of the few abilities within the scope of Empathy that is rarely mentioned is the ability to be a natural mediator or peace keeper. And when it is mentioned, it is more or less a footnote in comparison with the other things listed.

A Mediator, as stated above, is one that mediates, especially one that reconciles differences between disputants. Trained Mediators use appropriate techniques and/or skills to open and/or improve dialogue between disputants, aiming to help the parties reach an agreement on the disputed matter. Normally, all parties must view the Mediator as impartial. During mediation, the Mediator attempts to foster empathy between two disputing parties, in the hopes of finding a common ground upon which both parties can find mutual understanding.

From this point, it is important to understand how a mediator does this, because it takes a very specialized skill to make this type of thing possible. A Mediator must possess the ability to see from multiple perspectives, from the perspectives of disputants and from a more neutral perspective uninfluenced by personal prejudices and opinions, at any given moment during the process of mediation. And this specific skill, is what those who are Empathic can bring to the table.

Does this mean that all Empaths are Mediators? No. Does this mean that all Mediators are Empaths or are predisposed to possessing an empathic nature? No. It simply means that this skill, which a Mediator should possess to a certain degree or another, exists within many Empath's as well, which tends to make them natural Mediators, even without training.

The Empath & The Cultural Anthropologist

In the Empathic Process it is important to possess the ability to see from different perspectives. And this process can happen on many different levels. One of those levels is called Cultural Empathy, by which a person sees another culture through the eyes of those within that culture, instead of through the eyes of an outsider who will see and judge things based on their own cultural perspective and prejudices.

A Cultural Anthropologist is one such person who attempts to do this as they study different cultures. Cultural Anthropology , as stated above,is a type of anthropology that deals with human culture especially with respect to social structure, language, law, politics, religion, magic, art, and technology. These things could not truly be understood if one approached them through another culture's perspective, because they would be judging one culture by another culture's standards. This in turn, would cause the perception of the other culture to be tainted with personal prejudices based on their own cultural perspective.

A good example of this kind of tainted perception is to look at how certain Native American tribes were seen and the opinions formed of them, by those who came from Europe during the mass migration of Anglo Saxon people to North America. Because they appeared as a less advanced culture, they were seen as savages whose belief systems were denigrated through comparisons to devil/demon worship. They were also seen as blood thirsty animals who would rape any white woman they found and who would butcher men, women and children alike, simply to collect a scalp.

These tainted perceptions, were based in large part on stories and rumors, and not real world experience. As well, they were based on prejudicial cultural and religious perceptions, from white supremacy to religious superiority, which were already in place through European encounters with African cultures, which were viewed in a similar light.

The people that encountered these diverse cultures judged them through their own cultural perception, and found them lacking. And did not take the time to discover the richness of depth that was unique to each of those individual cultures.

This is what a Cultural Anthropologist attempts to do, in that they seek to learn about the culture from the viewpoint of the culture, instead of through their own tainted perception.

In seeing the difference between people with a tainted perception and people who seek to understand a culture though that culture's own perception, you begin to discover what cultural empathy truly is and to what depths it truly goes to.

But even if one does not take it to such depths, as an Empath, you still possess the ability to see through another person's eyes, particularly if they are of a different culture, religion, or ethnicity, to understand them from their own point of view.

The Empath & The Linguist

A Linguist is a person who specializes in linguistics, is accomplished in languages, and speaks several languages. Linguistics, as stated above, is the study of human speech including the units, nature, structure, and modification of language.

The importance of understanding the nuances of any given language, is that it offers up a unique perspective through which one can view and understand a culture. When one speaks a language fluently they can take part in conversations that they might have been excluded from before, simply because they could not understand the more subtle meanings of a conversation which could only be read beneath the surface of that verbal exchange.

So this too becomes an important piece in understanding a different culture in all of its subtitles, because language helps to mold and shape a culture through the commonality of the shared words of a single language.

Cultural Empathy In Perspective

In this section, I am going to offer up an example of Cultural Empathy, through something called perspective writing, which means it is written from a perspective that is foreign and little considered by the Western World:

Footprints In the Bloodied Sand

She awoke from her slumber to another bright and arid morning amidst the surrounding dunes of sand and the tall rocky mounds that strained to reach toward the heavens without ever succeeding. She quickly and quietly dressed herself in a gown of pale blue material that enshrouded her from head to toe, while the slumbering forms of her husband and children slept on in their beds. After dressing, she knelt down on a small woven reed mat to give thanks to Allah for the new day. And when the alloted time for prayer had elapsed, she rose to set about her days work, for her days were filled with the needs of her husband and of her children.

An hour passed as she prepared the meal that her family would eat. And in that time the two daughters of her family rose to help in preparing the meal and readying their home for the time when their father and their brothers would awaken.

And finally, when the men arose, and they had finished dressing and giving thanks to Allah in prayer, as the women had done before them, they sat to their meal and began discussions of the days happenings and coming events.

In the space of a moment her husband's eyes met hers in a loving smile of thanks and acknowledgment. And if one was not paying attention, they certainly would have missed the way the husband's affections softened his face and crinkled the skin around his dark eyes. But the children saw, and the children knew, for the two sisters looked at one another and smiled.

As the discussion continued, it turned to the impending arrival of a celebration that filled all of them with exuberant excitement and expectation. For the coming event was the advent of their cousin's eldest son's wedding to a young woman from a neighboring town. It was also their cousin's first opportunity to give such a celebration since his own wedding of many years ago. It was going to be a joyous occasion filled with family, friends, food and much laughter. And it is needless to say, that all of those who sat around the small table that morning were caught up in the excitement of the coming event.

When the morning meal had ended and the men had set out for another days labor to earn another day's wage, the mother and her daughters, with two small boys in tow, began the happy discussions of what they would each where to the evenings festivities. They each in turn held up fabric after fabric of gauzy silken materials to examine them for rips and breaks in the delicate threading. that would need mending before nightfall. The small boys chased one another around their mother's feet as the women sat to their mending and discussion.

It was in that moment that eerie sounds reached their ears from outside. So they rushed out to see what the cause was, and there they saw planes flying overhead and they knew that the invaders had come. And as they stood, mesmerized by the sight of the planes, explosions began to erupt about the city, throwing people into chaos and shaking the very ground upon which they stood.

The women began to scream as they ran to pick up the two small boys who had wandered a short distance away. The two sisters reached them first and scooped up the children into their arms. The mother stopped, short of breath, but sure that her boys were safe in her two daughter's arms. And there she stood, with planes flying overhead and people running for shelter in the chaos, as a bomb fell on the street before her and exploded as she watched helplessly. It erupted where her children stood, sending each of them flying in separate directions. And then the bursting and flaring waves of heat, fire, and blood reached the mother, knocking her to the ground as it scorched her clothing and her flesh in unison.

When her husband, who had seen the planes and heard the bombs, reached his home, he found his wife in the street, barely clinging to life and weeping. He held her to his chest, as she moaned and cried incoherently, and turned to survey the carnage. And to his horror, he saw what little remained of his children scattered about the road, littering it like garbage. The sand was drenched in blood, and he sat, defeated, and weeping tears that he did not even realize he shed. Anger and sorrow, stronger than any he had ever felt, mingled within him and the seeds of vengeance were planted for another day. But now, now he held his wife's limp body in his arms, unseeing, in shock. Now his heartbeat drowned out the wailing cries of the injured and those left who had found their loved ones' bodies. In that moment his world ended, ceasing to exist. And for what, he wondered, as violent cries of sorrow finally broke from his lips combining with the multitude of other people's sorrow. For what, indeed?

Author's Notes: This is a story of someone's family who is lost to us within the hot arid desert of what seems like another world. But is this world really as foreign, as alien, to us as we believe? We each go about our daily lives working, marrying, loving our families, in the attempt to give our children a brighter future, never expecting terror to come to our shores. Is this world really so foreign? Are their children any less deserving than ours? Or in a world as diverse as our own, where the peoples of every nation are multiplying by the day, is it the color of your skin and the religion you follow that defines your worthiness? In this world of power, wealth, and privilege centered on a very select few who control the world's economy and wield the power of the nuclear bomb, we are all interconnected on the tidal wave of someone else's whim, be it soldiers who follow orders, the people of a conquered nation, or the citizens of a nation that slowly chips away at their rights and freedoms. At the end of the day, what does it really matter who hurt who first, when countless lives are lost on whichever front you stand on? The blood of ours and theirs runs just as red and mingles in the sand.

My words are not written nor meant to advocate any one religious group or a jahad. They merely offer up an alternative perspective that is to little seen in our country. The effects of war take their toll on the conquered as well as the conquerors. And while this particular story is a work of fiction, it is written to make the reader think.

Cross Cultural Empathy

As an Empath, what will you do when you come upon people from lands that are foreign to you? Will you try in earnest to understand their culture, even if it is vastly different from your own, or will you be one of those who casts stones of judgment on them? In this day and age, this is a very important subject to consider. So think about it.

Cultural Empathy

2009-07-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

Cultural Empathy. Its an interesting idea, if one understands it. Here is a meaning for what a culture is:

Culture is defined by Pedersen (1991) as learned perspectives that are unique to a particular culture and common ground universals that are shared across different groups (p. 6). Thus culture is a tool that defines reality for those who belong to the culture. Within this reality or worldview, the individual's purpose in life is defined, and properly sanctioned behavior within the group is prescribed. The beliefs, values, and behaviors of a culture (its norms) provide its members with some degree of personal and social meaning for human existence and are learned through tradition and transmitted from generation to generation (Kagawa-Singer & Chung, 1994). Culture serves two functions: (a) integrative--the beliefs and values that provide individuals with a sense of identity and (b) functional--the rules for behavior that enable the group to survive physically and provide for its welfare while supporting an individual's sense of self-worth and belonging.

To boil all of that down, culture is the shared/collective reality of a singular group of people, which gives us identity and the ability to not only survive, but also to thrive in this world. Make sense?

Cultural Empathy then, is the ability of a person outside of a singular culture's ability to understand, through empathy, their ways, traditions, beliefs, and the general way their culture works without the influence of our own biases and prejudices clouding our judgment.

This idea moves beyond simple tolerance of others and their beliefs. It is engrossing and rich in depth. You become, almost literally, immersed in the other culture, in order to find understanding at the deepest levels. It draws you closer not only to the culture itself, but also the people within it. It allows the empathic gift to flow unbound and unhindered by our own way of life, which might vastly differ from the one you are attempting to grasp.

Why is Cultural Empathy important? This is a country full of immigrants who not only embrace our way of life, but also cling to their own ways. Understanding these things in depth will allow you to connect with anyone on a deeper and more fulfilling level, despite race, religion or culture. It makes interaction with others easier, as well, despite any differences that might seem a hindrance.

In developing and integrating a working relationship of your gifts into your life, this is a particularly important piece of the puzzle to think about. Because empathy does not end when someone is a different race or a different religion. It merely expands to encompass any and all, in its purest form. And that is what you are working toward.

Perception, Perspective & The Empath

2009-07-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

On one site, Perception is defined as the process by which organisms interpret and organize sensation to produce a meaningful experience of the world.

Another defines Perception as:
1. awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation
2. physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience
3. quick, acute, and intuitive cognition
4. a capacity for comprehension

Your perception decides what you see first dependent on what you focus on through. In the picture to the right, do you see a vase or two faces sitting nose to nose? Neither answer is wrong, it is simply a difference of perspective. Which brings us to perspective, or point of view, also called personal perspective and cognitive perspective.

Perspective is defined as:
1. The appearance of objects in depth as perceived by normal binocular vision.
2. a. The relationship of aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole: a perspective of history; a need to view the problem in the proper perspective. b. Subjective evaluation of relative significance; a point of view: the perspective of the displaced homemaker. c. The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance: tried to keep my perspective throughout the crisis.
3. The technique of representing three-dimensional objects and depth relationships on a two-dimensional surface.

A great and early example of central perspective can be seen in Herod's Feast by Masolino (1435), where many receding horizontal lines project to a single central vanishing point. This is one-point perspective because the horizontal (black) and vertical (white) sets of parallel lines project as parallel in the picture.

Perspective in theory of cognition is the choice of a context or a reference (or the result of this choice) from which to sense, categorize, measure or codify experience, cohesively forming a coherent belief, typically for comparing with another. One may further recognize a number of subtly distinctive meanings, close to those of paradigm, point of view, or a reality tunnel.

Cognitive perspective, also known as Point of View refers to the aspect being looked from. It differs from the narrative point of view. If you are talking from your point of view, you would talk about what you want, need or feel like. To get a person to do something, it is much better to talk from the other person's point of view. That includes talking about what is in it for the other person. Talking about it in terms of what is good for the other person and what they will get in return, while afterwards talking about what you want the person to do.

In social psychology one would talk in terms of the other person's point of view when soliciting or motivating the other person to do something for you. Being able to see the other person's point of view is one of Henry Fords advice towards being successful in business. "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own".

Now we come to what this all has to do with you, as an Empath. Empathy is defined as the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings and is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes". This means the one who exhibits this trait or ability, as an Empath, has the capacity to not only share feelings, but to readily share the other person's perspective or "see through another person's eyes".

To understand this, is to understand yourself and what you are truly capable of and to truly understand others. You can not do one without the other. And to build your own 'storehouse' or 'catalog' of perspectives you need to be aware of everything around you, the things you experience, the people you share your life with, your experiences, the art you view, the music you listen to, the books and information you read, because each is a multilayered lesson in enhancing and broadening of your own perspective. If you can do this then you can see above the emotions that bind you to the moment to understand the other layers of any person and/or situation.

David Cronenberg made a great statement about perspective, which applies here:

"When you're in the muck you can only see muck. If you somehow manage to float
above it, you still see the muck but you see it from a different perspective.
And you see other things too. That's the consolation of philosophy."

When you allow yourself to have a wide spectrum perspective along side an experiential perspective, as opposed to simply an experiential one alone, it cuts out the need for tinted glasses over your personal perspective. Another way to see it is that it cuts out the need for personal prejudices which might hinder you from helping someone based on your personal experiences with a particular group of people. This can include, but is not limited to, titles, weight, race, skin color, sexual orientation, age, and personalities that differ so much from our own we find it offensive.

Let me ask you something, and since this is a blogsite you do not have to answer, merely think about it. Have you ever crossed the street to get away from someone who was walking in the opposite direction, because something about them seemed 'rough' or 'dangerous', or made you uncomfortable? Sadly, this is a type of prejudice based on their exterior. And while its good to worry about your own safety, to do so to the extent you exclude others based on such superficial prejudices blocks out a plethora of experiences you can learn from.

Your view of the world is only as broad or as limited as you let it be. And that only happens when you get beyond your own hang-ups about weight or skin color or personality type and experience what those other people have to offer.

Does this say be naive and walk into danger blindly just for the experience? No, of course not. This process also teaches you to be aware of those around you, but at deeper levels than simply the superficial. Awareness and understanding blended with free will and choice, equals balanced choice of who you let into your life and what is worth experiencing.

It also allows you to see your own patterns of behavior, such as addictive behaviors. If you have low self esteem, and you seem to draw the type of people to you that help press that feeling of worthlessness upon you and/or use or abuse you, then this is an unhealthy and addictive behavior which only needs to be acknowledged and understood to start to change.

If you help people because you need their adulation to feel good about yourself, then it is an unhealthy and addictive behavior. But if you see what your doing, which is the right thing for the wrong reasons, then you can still continue what you do when you change the reasons for doing it. This makes it healthy. But this process again must begin with you, and not those you reach out to.

All the tools you need are within you, if you can find the strength to utilize them. You don't even need me to write this blog for it to happen for you. But it might help the process along a little to see it. And everyone will come upon that moment at least once in their lives where they see something wrong with whats going on around them or perhaps what they are doing is wrong, even if there is a bit of discomfort and shame and/or guilt at your own behaviors. Point is you don't have to share it with anyone to do it. But its well worth the doing. Its one of those rare life changing moments in your life, that you can't look away from unless you ignore it and run back to the safty of your own safe perceptions or your 'comfort zone'.

Quotes On Perspective

"Bias and impartiality is in the eye of the beholder." - Lord Barnett

"I see every thing I paint in this world, but everybody does not see alike. To the eyes of a miser a guinea is more beautiful than the sun, and a bag worn with the use of money has more beautiful proportions than a vine filled with grapes." - William Blake

"Perspective, as its inventor remarked, is a beautiful thing. What horrors of damp huts, where human beings languish, may not become picturesque through aerial distance! What hymning of cancerous vices may we not languish over as sublimest art in the safe remoteness of a strange language and artificial phrase! Yet we keep a repugnance to rheumatism and other painful effects when presented in our personal experience." - George Eliot

"The seeing of objects involves many sources of information beyond those meeting the eye when we look at an object. It generally involves knowledge of the object derived from previous experience, and this experience is not limited to vision but may include the other senses: touch, taste, smell, hearing, and perhaps also temperature or pain." - R. L. Gregory

Always Remember.....

2009-07-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

This statement says quite a bit more than one realizes on the surface, because of its irony. People really are special and unique individuals. Note that I say 'people' instead of You or I and in using people, I mean everyone. People read this as an insult, when there is, in truth, none implied. So think about it.

The Language Of Empathy Part 2

2009-07-18T11:39:00.001-07:00

So here is where we take all of the pieces of the puzzle that is The Language Of Empathy, and make some sense of them and the process the human mind uses to connect with other people. Obviously you can't just have the pieces, without having a way to put them together to understand them.

The Empathic Process, which was gone over in the last Language of Empathy, has to do with two areas of a person, Emotional and Cognitive Empathy. Within these two categories we have several different things that make up the Empathic Process: Emotional Contagion, Identification, True Empathy, Perspective Taking, Theory of Mind, and Cognitive Empathy.

All of the examples of metaphors and symbols are pieces of this puzzle, that can help enhance ones Empathic experience. So lets look at each and apply the different types of metaphors and symbols to it.

Emotional contagion is taking on the emotions of others that are in one's line of site. To internalize it, though, we use identification and then true empathy, to make it happen. We see their pain, we internalize it, and then we feel real empathy. In this same process, we take the issues we've had, which we used to identify with other people's pain and do a compare/contrast to find similarities, which is perspective taking. And then we use theory of mind, based on our own experiences with these issues, to predict what outcomes will occur with different solutions to the issue at hand. And we choose the best path for the other person we can come up with.

The biggest point to note here is the shifting of perspectives and the identification with other people's suffering through our own experiences. This is where the Language of Empathy occurs. And it all occurs in the form of metaphors and symbols. This would be why this process is sometimes easier to understand for those who work in an artistic medium like visual arts or writing. They have already begun to train their minds how to do this kind of metaphor interpretation so it is easier to apply to real life situations.

Here is the crux of this discussion though. You don't just have your own experiences to draw from as a learning tool in this process. All of the experiences you shared in with other people, music, books, paintings, and everything else can be drawn upon to help you find a solution.

You instinctively know what a song means, based on what it makes you feel. It pulls on you, like experiences in your past have. You instinctively know how a character in a book feels, be relating it to your own experiences, and yes that includes sci-fi. The point isn't the subject of the book, but that its still about human beings which you can relate to on a personal and human level. You see a piece of art and it simply calls to you, for some unknown reason, because its shape, its colors, or its design remind you of past events in your life.

An optical illusion exemplifies this process, even if its purpose is not obvious to the looker, because it forces the mind to consciously shift perspectives. This is done in movies sometimes as well to smooth the transition from one section of film into another. Its also done in poetry, music and art.

To make it easier, lets look at a few examples. Sometime ago I put together a sideshow using nothing but blue eyes, but it tells a story and flows along just like a song or a poem might. Let yourself feel the transition, even though there are no words or music to carry your emotions.

This can be seen in music as well. This song, for someone who has suffered heartbreak, will feel empowering even if they don't care for this type of music, because they can relate to the words and the tempo of the music.

In this piece of art a person can understand and relate to it, because they can see themselves in the place of the subject. It doesn't matter that they have wings. The colors dark hues and subdued tones speak to the subjects state of mind as much as the pose of the body and everything else. Its all in the detail, even if you don't perceive it at the conscious level.

In words it can be found in books and poetry the world over, as people express feelings of their own suffering and that of others. We identify with it because we have suffered, despite the differences in that suffering. Here is an example in a poem:

The Bitter Mirror

Gaze no more into the bitter glass,
for eternity beckons as the time does pass,
where long ago visions echo and haunt,
and voices engraved upon the shattered heart,
belittle and taunt.

Dwell no more on realities past,
for the celestine future is infinite and vast,
where you walk into choices unbound,
and your footsteps tread upon memory's ground.

Learn from today and yesteryear gone,
and raise your voice high in futures resounding song,
for the future, today, and things that echo in recognition stark,
are the lessons you bear to light the way through the dark.

So dwell not upon the mirror that frames so complete
the totality of you where past and present meet,
and look to the stars in heavenly expanse,
for the future is limitless in one single glance.

Where you are complete, single, and whole,
and memories are naught but virtues to extol,
the journey you walked and the path that you tread,
of a life lived well and happy instead.

And to make the point even clearer, even the design of this website was chosen carefully to empower you. Red is a color used for passion and high emotion. The red energy turning into flowers upon the top of rubble is quite literally the potential of what you can do for yourself. And the fact that its not personalized toward me, so you can get to know me, is to allow you to know that this journey, to emotional health and understanding of your gifts is all about you.

This is all the Language of Empathy, as much as dreams, metaphors, and synchronicity. Its about being able to understand how and why we expand our minds and hearts beyond ourselves, to help others, to care for others, and to be the person we were meant to be.

Think about it.

Linguistic Empathy: The Art Of Words

2009-07-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

Definitions

Linguistics is the study of the nature, structure, and variation of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, sociolinguistics, and pragmatics.

Empathy is the capability to share your feelings and understand another's emotion and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes," or in some way experience what the other person is feeling.

Empathic Listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It enabling the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. It is also called active listening or reflective listening.

A Metaphor is language that directly connects seemingly unrelated subjects. It is a figure of speech that connects two or more things.

Symbology is the study or interpretation of symbols or symbolism.

Emotional Intelligence is describes an ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.

Imagination, also called the faculty of imagining, is the ability of forming mental images, sensations and concepts, in a moment when they are not perceived through the sight, hearing or other senses. Imagination helps provide meaning to experience and understanding to knowledge; it is a fundamental facility through which people make sense of the world,and it also plays a key role in the learning process.

Intelligence is an umbrella term used to describe a property of the mind that encompasses many related abilities, such as the capacities to reason, to plan, to solve problems, to think abstractly, to comprehend ideas, to use language, and to learn.

Examples Of Linguistic Empathy

Linguistic Empathy then is the ability to share another person's perspective, or 'see through their eyes' through the linguistic patterns of their speech. What this means is that a single word can evoke an emotion, because the speaker imbued it with that emotion.

A good example of this would be an adolescent daughter fighting with her father. The moment the words, "I hate you", leave her lips, because she is not getting her way, the intensity of her emotions is conveyed on the listener, her father. The undercurrent of emotion, beneath the surface of the word 'hate' is filled with anger, resentment, and sorrow. The father then reacts, without conscious thought, in the heat of the moment, in rising anger, as well, and offers up punishment for the offense of using such a word in context with him.

Both sides are hearing what is being said and are interpreting the meaning of the words, based on the emotions found beneath the surface of the words. And in turn, the fight escalates because each of them is behaving in a reactionary way toward the undercurrent of emotions floating around in that given moment.

Another excellent example would be that of an romantic empathic relationship. In this, the Empath becomes a receiver, while the other partner is the transmitter. The emotions being conveyed by the transmitting partner are those of adoration, love, affection, and joy through words like 'love', 'adore', 'beautiful/handsome'. The Empathic Partner, acting as a receiver, is swept up in the tidal currents of these feelings, which are picked up through discussion and discourse, and gets lost in them.

This occurs because some Empaths are purely reflectory, which means they offer up to the people around them, what they receive from other people. This reaction occurs on the superficial levels of communication, as well as, on the deeper levels of communication, where emotion is conveyed. And then one day, the Empath wakes up and realizes, those were not their feelings to begin with. They were the vicarious emotions of the partner. And so they walk away, without much explanation given to their partner, because they themselves are unsure of the answers.

The Pattern

Can you see the pattern in those two examples? The first example is a typical family fight, with regular people as the anchors. The second one is a bit more complex, and yet, it is based on the same principle as that of the family fight example. So the pattern in itself would not be reserved to Empaths alone, because we all pick up on the undercurrents of emotion being thrown at us through verbal and nonverbal communication. Empaths, for the most part, are simply better at interpreting the information they receive, at the conscious level, and recognizing the fact that they are utilizing this process.

The Process

The process of Linguistic Empathy involves using all of your senses and your imagination, as well as, Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence.

We use our senses to pick up extra information, which might not be conveyed verbally. Or, if conveyed verbally, might only be subtly alluded to in passing during a conversation. So we watch, we listen, and we open ourselves to the possibilities of what they are saying, without prejudgment, because this could force you to miss a key piece of information, and thus leave your interpretation incomplete.

We also use the other senses, beyond sight and sound, such as smell, taste, and touch. But these are used to a much lesser degree, because these are dependent on how close you are to the other person. Examples of these would include, but are not limited to, the smell of perspiration and/or the goosebumps along a person's arm.

The other pieces of this process; imagination, intelligence, and emotional intelligence, enter into it when the information we perceive through our senses is interpreted by the brain. We use intelligence to interpret the information. And we use emotional intelligence, through that large storehouse of personal experiences, to determine what emotions flow beneath the currents of words. And we use imagination through the words and emotions being pushed at us, to literally see through the other person's perspective, based on their words.

All of these are pieces of a much larger process which brings us together and allows us to connect with the world around us. All of these singular things blending together into a tapestry of understanding based as much on nonverbal and verbal communication, as all of the other pieces which come together to form the linguistic empathic process. And all of this, from one singular word.

What Is In A Word?

What is in a word? I've often found comfort in the pages of beloved books and set sail into dreams of my own imagining when I write. To me, a single word is something powerful, that has the power to strike fear, convey deep meaning, offer metaphor, and/or express emotions both good and bad. It is a unique ability to weave a spell around the reader, bringing them, for a small amount of time, into the writer's mind and imagination. It is, in itself, a type of empathy all its own.

When I write I choose my words carefully, for the image they invoke in the reader's mind. A metaphor easy enough for the reader to associate with, and yet poignant enough to make the emotion I am trying to convey come into focus. And it doesn't matter what I write about, because a blank page or a blank text box, to me, are the canvases upon which I paint with words.

I'd love to say all of my words are offered up with altruistic intent, but they are as much for me, as they are for others. They are as much my passion, as working with people here. And I am overjoyed when anything I write touches another person, but I am equally as happy with my work when no one sees it or comments on it.

For all of those who have the courage and strength enough to come on here and share the same with me, because of the venue which we speak of, through written words, it doesn't matter how simple the statement or how deep the words flow, it is all a wonder and a joy to me. Each of your stories is brought to life through the words you share and the emotions you embed into those words. Anger, sorrow, joy, love, and all the other emotions, brought to life in sparkling color, even if the words are full of typos. lol (mine have a tendency to do that on occasion, as well)

Each and every one of you, is brought to life on this site, not by your picture, but by your words, you emotions, your needs, and your willingness to share with all of us. And I can think of no better place to be, than sharing all of this, right now, with all of you.

So here are some quotes on words, for all who are interested:

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~~ Unknown

“Words are only postage stamps delivering the object for you to unwrap” ~~George Bernard Shaw

“Words are the voice of the heart” ~~ Confucius

“Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” ~~ Maya Angelou

“A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles” ~~Chinese Proverbs

“Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words” ~~Dr. Joyce Brothers

“Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal” ~~ Unknown

“We lay aside letters never to read them again, and at last we destroy them out of discretion, and so disappears the most beautiful, the most immediate breath of life, irrecoverable for ourselves and for others.”
~~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

2009-07-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

Developing Your Emotional Intelligence
Top Ten Suggestions

1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. Use three word sentences beginning with "I feel".
- Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations
- "I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk."
- "I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like an idiot."

2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
- Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that
- Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)

3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.
- "I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."
- Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people. Let your feelings help you identify your unmet emotional needs.

4. Use your feelings to help make decisions
- "How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't?"
- "How do I feel?" "What would help me feel better?"
- Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"

5. Use feelings to set and achieve goals
- Set feeling goals. Think about how you want to feel or how you want others to feel. (your employees, your clients, your students, your children, your partner)
- Get feedback and track progress towards the feeling goals by periodically measuring feelings from 0-10. For example, ask clients, students, teenagers how much they feel respected from 0 to 10.

6. Feel energized, not angry.
- Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.

7. Validate other people's feelings.
- Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.

8. Use feelings to help show respect for others.
- How will you feel if I do this? How will you feel if I don't? Then listen and take their feelings into consideration.

9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.
- Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.

10. Avoid people who invalidate you.
-While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try not to let them have psychological power over you.

Other Resources:

http://eqi.org/summary.htm
http://topten.org/public/AB/AB233.html

Emotional Intelligence & Empathy

2009-07-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

"Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—this is not easy."
- Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

Emotional Intelligence and Empathy

Believe it or not, these are two separate ideas which go hand and hand, and yet tend to be confused with one another. So lets look at the definitions of each. Emotional Intelligence means: describes an ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. And Empathy is defined as:the 'capacity' to recognize or understand another's 'state of mind' or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself.

To give you a better idea of the differences here, think of both ideas in the context of literary perspective. Emotional Intelligence would be a book written in third person, in that it is done from the distance between one person and another. There is no symbiosis here. There is no shared insight. There is only one person feeling an emotion and another person viewing and judging that emotion form a distance.

Whereas, Empathy would be a book in the first person, because it is literally 'putting oneself into the shoes of another' or 'seeing through the eyes of another'. One does not judge from a distance, but instead experiences the emotion both directly, though their own imaginings, and vicariously at the same time.

Now that we understand what each is, and their differences, we come to a very important question. Why do they go hand and hand? What makes one concept fail to work correctly without the other?

Empathy & No Emotional Intelligence

First lets look at the idea of a person having Empathy without the addition of Emotional Intelligence. What this concept means is that one has the capacity to place themselves into another's shoes, but they lack the ability to interpret what they are feeling any better or worse than the person who is feeling those emotions directly does. It stops the process of empathy half way, due to lack of understanding about people's emotions and the subtleties of each.

So, as an example, if Martha is feeling depressed because of an argument with her boyfriend, the Empath has the ability to see and feel what Martha went through. But the Empath is then stopped cold by their inability to interpret what they are seeing and feeling. And subsequently, because of this, they are unable to see the possible outcomes which could arise from any advice they might give. So they are left with an inability to choose the best course of action when faced with this situation.

Emotional Intelligence & No Empathy

Aside from the obvious here, that the person in question is not an Empath, humans are generally capable of great empathy, even without the title. So it is important to understand this concept, even if it does not apply to you directly.

People who have Emotional Intelligence, and yet lack the ability to feel any empathy toward another human being have the potential to become an array of things like, but not limited to, Emotional Manipulators, Narcissists, amongst others. What this means is that they have the ability to watch and assess another person's emotions, but they can not relate to it unless it, in some context, has something to do with them. They learn at an early age to manipulate the emotions of others to get their desired response or their way in a situation. And while this might begin as something simple enough, like manipulating mom for $5, with age and experience it escalates as do its manifestations.

The Balance of Emotional Intelligence & Empathy

For a normal person, the balancing of these two concepts is very important. For the Empath, it is doubly so, particularly if you are actually working with other people in Empathic Counseling and/or Empathic Healing Work. Because in these particular cases, you bear a responsibility to the person you are helping, to give them the best care you can. And the choice to not charge money does not negate this responsibility either. Its not about money. Its about the fact that, as an Empath, you hold the emotions and situations of another living being in your hands, to heal or destroy at your will, based on your interpretations and judgments. Never forget this fact.

But more than just that, the balancing of these two singular ideas makes for much healthier relationships and life choices. It offers one the ability to see, recognize and know the different types of emotions, and place themselves in another's shoes, all for the desired effect of being able to judge people, situations and possible outcomes of reactions in order to pick the best possible choice of responses.

To test your Your Emotional Intelligence Quotient, or your EQ, try this quiz. Its long and drawn out, but accurate.
http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=1121

Here is my score from the quiz above:

Snapshot Report
Self-report Component
Subscale IQ score = 147
Subscale percentile = 99.93

According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is excellent. People who score like you do feel that they have almost no trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They have an easy time overcoming difficulties in their lives and they are able to control their moods. It’s easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; this is likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice.

To test your Empathy Quotient, also EQ, go here:
http://www.glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/EmpathyQuotient/EmpathyQuotient.aspx

Here is my score:
Your score: 78
0 - 32 = low (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 20)
33 - 52 = average (most women score about 47 and most men score about 42)
53 - 63 is above average
64 - 80 is very high
80 is maximum

To test whether you are an Empath or not, go here:
http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/Pangelic/are-you-an-empath/

Here is my result:

You Scored as Certified Empath

You are a natural born Empath! You are haunted by the calling of "the others" and walk in silence between the busy and the distracted. You qualify for certification by the School of Empath Psychology. From the Book of Storms Series newsletter on Yahoo! Groups.

Certified Empath

100%

An Intuitive

100%

Potential Empath

44%

Unbonded Empath

25%

Not an Empath

25%

Senses and Empathy: Understanding the Experience Both Online and Offline

2009-07-12T08:44:00.001-07:00

You may or may not have read the thread I posted called Empathic Senses. This one is a follow up, written to offer a more detailed description of the use of senses in Empathy. And what happens to an Empath when they are working online, and are stripped of the use of their senses, as they are accustomed to using them in the process of Empathy in real time.

The Use of Senses in Empathy

The two most important senses for an Empath working in real time are their eyes and their ears. The others can play their own parts, but are of less significance.

The Eyes

An Empath, who is working in real time, uses their eyes to see minute changes in the physical body of the person they are working with. This is called Reading Body Language and is an important tool within the Empath's arsenal. It offers added information, on top of what is being said by the speaker, and felt by the Empath.

What kinds of things does one look for in this process?

1. Facial Features - How wide are the eyes open? Are the eyes puffy and darkly ringed? Is the mouth tightly closed, as though it were stressed? Does their skin seem pale? Is there sweat coming off them? Are the tips of the ears red? Is there nose red, as though they have been crying?

2. Body Language - Are their hands tightly fisted? Do their palms appear to be sweaty? Are their hands shaky? Is their body, on the whole, shaky? Is their posture slumped? Are their arms folded over themselves, as though to console and/or protect themselves? As they are sitting, are their folded legs pointing toward you or away from you? Is their body pointed toward you or away from you as they speak? Do their shoulders, neck, and back seem tight, as though they are stressed? Do they use their hands alot as they express themselves? Do they has goose flesh? Does their skin seem pale or red? Does their skin seem sweaty or greasy?

Seems like alot to take notice of in such a short span of time, but realize you are doing this unconsciously as you work as an Empath anyway. This is more to bring the mechanics of it to the surface to better understand the process, rather than to teach you something completely foreign and new to you.

The Ears

An Empath uses their ears, particularly during Empathic Listening (active or reflective listening), to pick up the subtle changes in a person's voice. These include, but are not limited to, the rate of their breathing, the heaviness of their breathing, the timber of their voice, the inflection that they use, the tone of their voice (whether free flowing or tight), accented speech which was otherwise unnoticeable, how well they pronounce their words, the words they choose, how they choose to use those words in sentence and paragraph structure, the repetition of words, the speed of speech.

This is another extremely important tool for an Empath working in real time because it adds another dimension to the information they are collecting about the person and their situation. Add this to what is collected with the eyes and the Empathic sense, and one has a deep well base of information from which to draw understanding and to form opinions and formulate resolution plans.

The Other Senses

The other senses, smelling, touching, and tasting, come into play less often in the Empathic experience, but should not be discounted. This is because each offers its on unique perspective into the person you are focused on at the time. And you never know when you might need those things.

Say you sit down to eat a meal prepared by the person who is asking for help. And you have tasted their cuisine before and know their general skill of cooking. Imagine your first bite of this food, and imagine that they have added to much salt, to much pepper, mistakenly exchanged sugar for salt (or vice versa). This is an indication that there is an underlying problem distracting the focus of the person who prepared the food, discovered by your taste buds.

Imagine a hygienic person who is asking for help, who has a horrible smell of sweat. While its true that they could have been working or exercising, its also safe to assume that this was caused by stress brought on by their problem. And in this, your nose becomes an important tool.

Imagine another person asking for help, and as you lay your hands on theirs to offer support, you feel tremors run through their hands. Or you lay your hands on their arms and you feel goose flesh form under your palm. These could be indications of upset and trauma. In this, your hands become an important tool, as well.

The Empathic Senses

2009-07-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

Metaphors Of Life

2009-07-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

What is a metaphor? One definition says this: 'A figure of speech in which an implied comparison is made between two unlike things that actually have something important in common. A metaphor expresses the unfamiliar in terms of the familiar.'

So a metaphor is a figure of speech either spoken or written. It makes the unfamiliar familiar through comparison with the known. It draws lines, connections, and threads between two wholly unrelated things. It brings forth understanding through imagination, into a perception that has yet to understand a certain concept or theory.

What is a car? Of course you know what a car is. It would be ridiculous if you didn't, right? But how would you describe a car to someone who has never seen one and had no concept of it, nor a basis of comparison. You could possibly call it a horseless carriage, if one knew what a horse was and a carriage. One could also say its like a wheel barrel that moves on its own. These are metaphors, linking something tangible and real to the person in question to the concept of a car.

'What is in a name? Would a rose by any other name, smell as sweet?' ~ Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare

Metaphors of life take this concept deeper. They explain concepts which seem foreign to us, opening our mind to new possibilities and new frontiers. They change us, allowing us to grow in understanding and develop ~ emotionally, mentally, or spiritually dependent upon the concept and the path one walks.

This idea is not new or unique. It is not one I pulled out of my rear end and called my own. Its as old as language. But its one few truly understand to its deepest levels, not because they cant, but because they are to engrossed in their daily lives to stop and think about it for to long. Its a passing concept that seems to bear no direct or immediate meaning on their lives, so its set aside for more pressing matters. Which is all fine and good.

There is no harm in doing this, but there is no conscious understanding of what we already do unconsciously in our daily lives, at the same time. And understanding it, means one finds not only the capacity to change, but more often than not, also the desire to, as well. Because one small and simple concept begets another and another, bringing forth bigger epiphanies of understanding and kernels of truth where you sit up and you say....'Oh, I get it now!'. This is called the changing of perception, where your mind is radically altered by the understanding of one small idea.

Now, for an Empathic view of this concept. An Empath is capable of doing this at a much steadier rate than people who are not attuned to emotion. We do this when we feel other peoples emotions and use our imagination to visually walk in their shoes. We do it when we connect our own pain, even if it is different, to theirs, to get a better understanding of what they are going through and help them. In this case, we use our own pain as a metaphor to bring others plights into sharper focus, despite the differences in situation. The pain, or the emotion, is the common denominator.

Imagine how this changes the way you look at others in your life, upon discovering what you can do. You feel a deeper sense of connection with others, where as before, you pushed against that connection and fought it tooth and nail. You railed against it, because society told you that you were abnormal to be so connected. Understanding the simple term Empath's metaphoric meaning expanded your sense of self, brought purpose and meaning to your chaotic world, and set you on a journey you could not have conceived of before. That one word, rewrote all you know and believe about yourself. Perhaps it made things make sense and explained alot of unexplainable situations of the past. One metaphor changed your lives.

Now imagine seeing the world through those eyes constantly where metaphor is obvious in all things and meaning beneath it is even more evident. Hard to imagine, I know. But this is what you do unconsciously already, when you move from person to person reaching out a helping hand to them. This just brings what you already do into the forefront of your mind and allows you to understand the mechanism behind it.

Once you can change your perception at will, anything is possible, because this is the core of enlightenment. And when I say enlightenment, I do not specifically mean spiritual awakening. That is only one side of it when there is so much more to be perceived and understood. But alas, that is a blog for another day. ^_^

The Metaphor Of Pictures

2009-07-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

Lets look at some examples of pictures, to understand the feel of each of them, how they are similar and how they differ. And what makes a picture tell a story, even if there is no one in it.

Example 1

This picture makes me think of Mardi Gras, since I grew up in New Orleans as a child. But because I can personalize this picture so easily, or identify with it, it also makes me feel nostalgic. I think of all the friends I had, that I haven't seen in years. All the years of going to parades and getting doubloon, beads, and other trinkets. The whole city feels like its in a week long festival.

The absence of people in the picture does not make its ability to tell a story, for me, any less. I see it and my mind automatically thinks of all of those people's joy, excitement, and pleasure.

But on that same note, it can make me think of my family's personal tragedy for going through Katrina. I know, its not a picture of damage, homes destroyed, people left homeless, or anything else heartbreakingly sad, but it can be for me if I let it be, because beneath that one emblem of New Orleans is a world of people's suffering that touched me and my family personally.

The point is, I can associate it with either of those two perspectives, happy and fun or utter desolation and loss. It simply depends on my frame of mind at the time, my experiences with these emblems (whether I've been through it personally or simply read about it secondhand), and what I think it means, as a metaphor. But beyond those things that I associate with it, it has a meaning for everyone. So in asking what you feel from it, it doesn't matter what it is you see, only that you see. There is no right or wrong in this.

Example 2

A simple blue eye. What does this mean? Of course it can have many meanings, but lets look at some of the things you can associate with a blue eye. The term azure sight, which can be readily projected on this image because of its eye color and is used sometimes in poetry to proclaim one one as having clear sight, is used sometimes to mean that one can see clearly, beyond all of of the masks people put up to shield their true selves from the world.

As well, it can be used to describe an Empath, if one understands its meaning. And while your thoughts might instead first lean toward seeing this as Clairvoyance, which means Clear Sight, let me explain a bit. An Empath, which we have defined so often on Empathic Perspectives, is one who can feel other people's emotions. They have the ability to push beyond the boundaries others build up around themselves to get to the heart of many problems and issues. So if one takes it in this light, that feeling is a type of seeing, even if one sees through feeling instead of vision and/or sight.

As well, if one thinks about auras, the color blue has its own meanings. Here is one such meaning taken from, New Age Spirituality: The Meaning Of Aura Colors:

Blue is the color of spirituality, intuition, inspiration and inner peace. It is also associated with sadness and depression (the "blues"). In healing blue is used for cooling and calming, both physically and mentally. In the aura blue indicates serenity, contentment and spiritual development.

Another site, which is titled The Aura Color Meaning Of Blue, says:

THE BLUE AURA GROUP: This interesting group of astral colors represents the varying forms and degrees of religious emotion, "spirituality," etc. The highest form of spiritual, religious feeling and thought is represented by a beautiful, rich, clear violet tint, while the lower and more gross phases of religious emotion and thought are represented by the darker and duller hues, tints, and shades until a deep, dark indigo is reached, so dark that it can scarcely be distinguished from a bluish black. This latter color, as might be expected, indicates a low superstitious form of religion, scarcely worthy of the latter name. Religion, we must remember, has its low places as well as its heights--its garden grows the rarest flowers, and at the same time the vilest weeds.

High spiritual feelings--true spiritual unfoldment--is indicated by a wonderfully clear light blue, of an unusual tint, something akin to the clear light blue of the sky on a cool autumn afternoon, just before sunset. Even when we witness an approach to this color in Nature, we are inspired by an uplifting feeling as if we were in the presence of higher things, so true is the intuition regarding these things.

Morality, of a high degree, is indicated by a series of beautiful shades of blue, always of a clear inspiring tint. Religious feeling ruled by fear, is indicated by a shade of bluish gray. Purple denotes a love of form and ceremony, particularly those connected with religious offices or regal grandeur of a solemn kind. Purple, naturally, was chosen as the royal color in the olden days.

So, when one begins to look at the blue eye, if one separates the two words, 'blue' inspires its own connotations and meanings, while the word 'eye' does the same on its own. And when you bring those two ideas together into one phrase 'blue eye', it creates its own unique meaning.

Because I also write poetry and this is a metaphor I use in my writing sometimes, this is the context through which my understanding of the term 'blue eye' is formed. It certainly doesn't mean that this is the only meaning of this phrase, but only how I might associate it with a picture I see, if I personalize it to see myself within it.

Example 3
The Geisha is a wonderful idea because it takes the idea of wearing a mask and being something, other than oneself, to please others and externalizes it. The face is painted to accentuate certain ideals that the Japanese find pleasing, much like a doll is done for both Western and Eastern societies. In a way she is like a living doll, because she is accomplished in many different forms of art, and it is as much about the detail of that art as it is about what image she projects to others through the use of costume, like Kimono, hairstyles and makeup.

Through all of her accessories or props, she is able to be what others wish her to be, whether that is seduction or innocence. The face is painted in such a way as to leave a hint of skin showing at the back of the neck, while the rest is a pale white and the hair is put into an upsweeping design, in order to hint at seduction but not bring it to the forefront.

As Empaths, we tend to do this, as well, in our own style and fashion. We set aside ourselves for a certain amount of time to help or please others. In this discussion, the point is not to ask about motivations, or to ask whether or not it is selfish or unselfish. It simply is what it is, because you do it despite motivation. You become what others need you to be in order to help them.

A great quote from the movie, Memoirs Of A Geisha, helps make this point: 'She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.'

An image of a geisha with perhaps a word, a tattoo, or an object with her helps to exemplify who and/or what she is and what she can do. Take the image with a geisha who bears the tattoo of a spider. The spider in itself has its own meaning. One such meaning, which can be found in the idea of the Spider Totem, helps make the point of the picture more apparent.

Spider is the weaver connecting the knowledge of the past with the possibilities of the future. Notice that the shape of the body loosely resembles the sign for infinity.

Also notice that the center of the web is always small (you), and the web ever expanding (your possibilities).

Spider cautions us not to get locked into the illusion that has made you what you think you are. Our behavior, and our belief systems, and our view of ourselves is locked into an illusion of who we truly are that was created for us by others; usually starting as a small child. As we grow, our life becomes a reflection of those illusions, and those of us who do not follow that pattern are "rebels" or "black sheep" or other terms that imply non-conformity.

We are locked into that illusion because it has become our "comfort zone", and it is our fears of the unknown and untested which keep us in that zone. It is far easier to live in the hell we know, than to stick our mental and emotional toes out into the world and chance discovering that there is another way which may be better for us.

Spider is telling us that the possibilities for each of us is only limited by our own view of ourselves. Notice that the web constantly grows, outward, still connected to that small center space. It is always reaching, always expanding, never satisfied with the status quo. When something of value get caught in the web, it is taken back to that small center and utilized; never wasted. It may be stored for later use, but it is never wasted.

The next time you come upon spider weaving its web, stop to really look. Notice the beauty and symmetry and balance; the careful and intricate design. Spider is telling you to have the courage to reach out and create your own tomorrows; to break out of the illusion that has you locked in a time-step, and discover who and what you truly are.

When you combine the two ideas of the geisha and the spider, it means possibilities of expanding oneself are limitless. It says that the person, who uses this picture as their own metaphor, is aware of this and wishes others to know it. In Empath terms, it means one who sets themselves aside to help others reach unlimited possibilities. That is why I often use the image of the Spider Geisha when I work with people.

The Conclusion

In this discussion you've seen a number of images that have a personal meaning to me, and why I feel a personal connection with each. I would suggest you search for pictures that represent you to use as avatars, if you prefer not to use your own pictures online. Be the person you are. It can be done through metaphor and pictures, as much as it can be done with a picture of yourself.

Once you begin to find things that represent you, other metaphors get easier to understand, because you will begin to see how others might connect with it, personalize it, internalize it, interpret it and/or identify with it.

Empathic Counseling Scenario #1

2009-07-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

For the first scenario we will be looking at, I found something on the website of a Christian Priest. Read it and think about it. Is this paranormal, as in demon possession, or is this purely psychological? Could it be both? Is there a reason for the Priest's opinions, based on his religions convictions and psychological training in counseling? I will post my own thoughts on it in another blog.

Julie was a baby boomer child. Her father did not serve in the war, instead he was one of the fortunate few who had a medical condition that allowed him to escape the draft. All of his friends had gone off to the various fields of battle leaving behind their wives and girlfriend’s alone and vulnerable. This was a dream come true for Julie’s father since he was a notorious lady’s man. The problem came when Julie was born to one of his buddies wives. Not only did it destroy a marriage, it devastated a soldier on the front lines who thereafter volunteered for more and more dangerous missions. Missions that eventually ended his life. And it brought to a screeching halt the flagrant womanizing of Julie’s father. In the small coal mining town in Pennsylvania in which they lived the community might look the other way at wanton fraternizing, but leaving a single mother and neglecting parental responsibility was not just frowned upon it was punished socially…and sometimes with vigilante justice.

So Julie’s father was forced to marry her mother. Julie was stuck in the middle. Her father hated her for imprisoning him to a monogamous marriage and her mother saw her as the child that had killed her true love in Germany. She grew up unloved and both physically and emotionally abused. And it was shortly after her 7th birthday that she became the sexual focus of her degenerate father.

The stress of years of sexual, emotional and physical abuse shattered Julie’s inner being. When she finally moved out at the young age of 16 she did not have eating disorders an OCD or multiple personalities. Her inner battles with loss of control instead changed her. She so ordered her life that she would be in complete control. She would no longer be used, instead she would use others. Her friends, what family she allowed close to her and those she worked with. She would manipulate them with lies followed by emotional pleas and crafty acting. Everyone was but a pawn to attain her goals. When she finally married she chose a milk toast loner who needed to find meaning in his mundane life. Friendless he was attracted to Julie’s otherworldly power over others. He was soon entrapped and became the first mesmerized by her manipulation of truth and reality. It was easier to live the lie of the ‘cult’ of Julie than it was to exist in the harsh world that had buffered and bashed him through his formative teenage years. But in their secret chambers Julie was a harsh mistress, exacting harsh judgment for any minor infraction. And the slight was never forgotten, but only exaggerated over time. But on the surface they seemed a warm and happy couple, charming others at their dinner parties and playing the part of conscientious active community leaders.

Together they had 3 children, all girls. They were taught to obey and guard the truth of the rigid perfectionism that the master demanded of all her followers. When the oldest daughter finally came of age she moved out quickly, not even discussing this with any others of her family.

Julie’s rage was unquenchable. She did all she could to make the lives of her daughter and her new boyfriend living hell. She would make anonymous calls to the boyfriends work and eventually he was fired. She disowned her daughter. And her daughter’s years under the spell of Julie had made its mark in her own psyche. Her bizarre behavior and similar attempts of control forced her boyfriend to have her assessed by a mental health professional. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Although they stayed together for a few years, it was a very tough road. Julie ignored them and secretly cursed them until the day that her daughter had conceived.

Julie had a granddaughter.

She was drawn to this baby, not just as a loving Grandmother would to a darling grandchild. She wanted the child under her control. And the daughter was drawn back to the mother as well. Soon the daughter had left the boyfriend to move back home.

On the surface this seems like a simple case of a psychological issue passed on from one generation to another.

That is what I thought when I came to the family on the as requested by one of the members. I was sure that perhaps Julie herself had Borderline Personality Disorder or a similar condition. They are very hard to pinpoint and diagnose for a therapeutic professional let alone a Christian Counselor.

But there was something very odd about the family and their interactions.

With a look the children obeyed Julie when questions became too personal. When talking to the children alone they would try to answer but then nervously look around. Their faces would become ashen and a change would come over them. They would then become a different person, very angry and abusive with their language. The soft quite voices of a shy child became the aggressive accuser of the mother in the adjoining room.

If you are interested in reading about the original poster and seeing more of his thoughts on this family, look here:
The Paranormal Paster

An Example Of Shifting Perspectives Through Words

2009-07-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

This is a great example of shifting perspectives simply by the way a series of words are read. Its shows you a new way to look at this very depressing statement, that turns it into an amazing piece of work. Play it and see if you can see what I mean.

Empathic Symbology

2009-07-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

Empathic ability, dreams (regular, lucid, prophetic, and dreamwalking), omen reading and synchronicity. What do all of these thing have in common? To answer this question, we will look at the meaning of each of these terms individually, and then bring them into a much larger single focus, a 'big picture' if you will.

Definitions:

Empathy:
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself.

An Empath is a person who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. In the paranormal and in some works of science fiction and fantasy, empathy is a paranormal or psychic ability to sense the emotions of others. It is distinguished from telepathy, which allows one to perceive thoughts as well. Occasionally, Empaths are also able to project their own emotions, or to affect the emotions of others.

Dream:
1. a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep
2. an experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream
a. a visionary creation of the imagination : daydream
b. a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality
c. an object seen in a dreamlike state

A Dreamwalker is one who works with and within the dream to understand, to create, to heal, to meet with elderhearts, to journey this realm (out of body), to work with other worlds and realms, to teach, … to be one with the ultimate ONE.

A Lucid Dream, also known as conscious dream, is a dream in which the sleeper is aware that they are dreaming. When the dreamer is lucid, they can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can be extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of self awareness during the lucid dream.

Prophetic Dreams, also referred to as precognitive dreams, are believed to be a form of extra-sensory perception (ESP) in which a person is said to perceive information about places or events through paranormal means before they actually happen.

An Omen is an occurrence or phenomenon believed to portend a future event. An Omen Reader is one who interprets dreams, and signs of synchronicity, omens, in the outer waking world.

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events which are casually unrelated occurring together in a supposedly meaningful manner. In order to count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.

A Metaphor is language that directly connects seemingly unrelated subjects. It is a figure of speech that connects two or more things.

Now that we have taken a look into the different meanings of the terms listed above, what we need to do now is see how they all come together, like puzzle pieces which make up a much larger picture.

So how do we bring these seemingly random ideas together into one single boiling pot, and produce a cohesive idea that encompasses them all?

The Empath

An Empath, more than most people, is somewhat like a radio receiver in that they are able to tune into and receive most intuitive information that is being sent out by others, who would be like a radio transmitter. The Empath is particularly hardwired to pick up on the emotional currents that are being sent out by others. And whether it is a learned behavior or a genetic predisposition, is of less importance than the fact that they do it at all.

Quite a bit of this intuitive information, that is being thrown their way, is taken in and interpreted in such a way that the Empath can readily and easily relate to it. This happens at the unconscious level most of the time, so it seems to the Empath that the information is coming out of thin air because there is no rational thought process involved at the conscious level.

All the same, though, this process involves the use of interpretation and metaphors. This occurs when the intuitive information taken into the Empath at the unconscious level is interpreted. It is generally compared to a similar situation that has occurred within the Empath's life, allowing the Empath to identify and empathize with the person, who is sending out the intuitive information, they are focused on. So a similar experience within the Empath's life, can literally become a metaphor for understanding the other person's perspective, emotions, and thought processes.

The Dream

There are many different types of dreams, and they can be categorized into several different types. The regular dream, which is a series of images and emotions which are pulled from experiences had in the waking world and thrown into the dream state of the unconscious mind, usually in a woven mesh that is hard to interpret on its surface, is one type.

Another is the lucid dream, which occurs when one retains a sense of conscious control within the dream state. This means that the mind doesn't simply flow with the dream's procession, and instead has use of its cognitive processes, because it holds onto its self awareness outside of the dreamscape.

A third type is the prophetic dream, which has the potential to foretell future events. But this type of dream is highly open to interpretation. And it can become even more muddled when one hears of an event occurring that seems to go hand in hand with their dream. The mind then interprets the dream through any possible correlation between it and the event that has happened, and deems it prophetic. But post-cognition is not prophetic, because the interpretation of the dream's metaphors occurs after an event coming into fruition.

Before we move on to the next type of dream, I want to bring these a bit more into focus first.

When awake, most people exhibit brain wave patterns that can be classified into two types of waves, beta and alpha. Beta waves are those associated with day to day wakefulness. During periods of relaxation, while still awake, our brain waves become slower, increase in amplitude and become more synchronous. These types of waves are called alpha waves. The first stage of sleep is characterized by theta waves, which are even slower in frequency and greater in amplitude than alpha waves. During a normal nights sleep a sleeper passes from the theta waves to the delta waves. Delta waves are the slowest and highest amplitude brain waves.

That being said, the next type of dream is that which occurs when we are awake, called the daydream. A Daydream is: a dreamlike musing or fantasy while awake, especially of the fulfillment of wishes or hopes. This type of dream occurs in the self aware state of consciousness and is based less on metaphor than it is on wish fulfillment. So it is relatively straight forward in its design, because the daydreamer keeps conscious reigns on the flow of the dream.

The Metaphor

A Symbol is a word, phrase, image, icon or some other thing that represents something else by association, resemblance, or convention. Symbols are used to represent complex esoteric relationships, ethereal concepts or something invisible and intangible. Symbolism is the practice of representing things by means of symbols or of attributing symbolic meanings or significance to objects, events, or relationships. Symbology is the study or interpretation of symbols or symbolism. In essence, symbols are a type of metaphor, used to offer a simple explanation about someone or something that another person can easily relate to.

As within dreams, symbols, also called omens, can be found in the waking world. The discovery of such a connection, between two seemingly unassociated things, people, or events, is called synchronicity. This is done when the mind searches for meaningful answers outside of the its societal norm, where the rules for interpretation of such things are explicit.

An example of synchronicity would be an experience I had when I was a teenager. I was outside smoking a cigarette (yeah I know, bad for me..lol) and a bird landed right next to a window in our living room. It then rose up and flew behind the house. Not a minute later I saw my mother standing in the window looking at me with her death glare. Needless to say, I got punished. But beyond that, my mind interpreted that bird's actions as a warning......'Run, cause your about to get in trouble.' And had I followed the bird behind the house, I wouldn't have gotten into trouble. Or maybe I would have. Who is to say at this point?

The Correlation

So now that we've been through each individually and have brought them into a more singular focus, do you think you understand the correlation which binds all of these things together? Whether on the conscious level or the unconscious level, its all about metaphor, symbology and interpretation.

Empaths, who are like radio receivers, are especially prone to these things, whether it is through dreams or omens discovered in the waking world. The only difference between the two, for an Empath, is the level of conscious thought that goes into the process of interpreting such symbols.

Linguistic Empathy ~ An Empathic Approach to Words

2009-07-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

What is linguistic empathy, you must be wondering right? First you must understand what the term linguistics means. The definition is 'the study of the nature, structure, and variation of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, sociolinguistics, and pragmatics.' Simply put, it is the study of language, both written and spoken. It is the study of words and how they are used.

Now that we have a general idea of what linguistics are, what about empathy? (as if you all don't already know the definition of empathy) It is defined as 'identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.' Put simply, you feel what they feel.

What do the two of these words, linguistics and empathy, have to do with each other? What is linguistic empathy exactly?

Empaths, by their very nature are innate observers. We watch. We listen. We feel. But more importantly, we tend to see and feel more than others do. When we listen to someone speak, we judge their feelings, at one level, by their tone, their pitch, and the words they use. We look at body language, how tense are the muscles around the mouth and in the face as they speak, how are their hands held, do they seem to take a defensive posture. Things like this allow us a greater range of understanding, even if we don't consciously realize we are doing it.

Did you catch it? Did you see what we do when we listen? We become a linguist. Our ears perceive quite a bit of information at this level. And all of this plays a part in our empathic reaction. You might wish to think that empathy is some kind of magic trick, but there is a real process to it, much more than just your intuitive capabilities. And its important for each of us to understand how we do what we do best as Empaths.

How does this work with the written word? Its a little bit more difficult, especially online, its true. But its viable. You learn to stop relying on your sight and listening abilities, your physical senses, as much, and you begin to use your cognitive ones instead. Because in writing there is no body language or tone and pitch of a voice. So your imagination, your visualization abilities as it were, take over.

This is where your empathic abilities get tested. You begin to use your sensing, your ability to literally change perspective and walk a mile in another's shoes, to determine how that person is feeling. You become much more reliant on your own experiences to help filter these feelings and understand them, so as to better understand the person you are talking to. But on top of all of this, you also have their words to rely on. So we come back full circle, once more, to linguistics.

In understanding the meaning of a word, in all of its many contexts, where it is placed, and how it is used, you can begin to deduce the person's intent in using it. Sentence structure is just as important here as would be the tone or pitch of a person's voice as they spoke to you.

A good example would be the difference in two words that mean exactly the same thing. 'My skin was crawling', makes an impact, its true. But 'my flesh felt like it was crawling with bugs', makes an even bigger impact. And for an Empath it makes a deeper visual impact, because you will see what they say in your head. And you will relate to it more deeply, because you will recall any bad event having to do with a bug and you, which made you feel that way.

This ability can be enhanced through the watching of emotional dramas on TV, listening to emotional music, or reading books full of emotion whether its a cheesy romance novel or a horror book filled with suffering. Ever wonder why you are drawn to such things? It enhances your abilities. Its like free emotional experience without the weight of another's expectations being placed up on you. In other words, its another learning experience, though a vicarious one at best. It can later be used as a point of reference when you are reaching out to others. And when you replay that one scene over and over again on your favorite heart wrenching movie, you are learning, observing, and growing ~ enhancing your own ability of empathy.

But I digress, words are filled with emotion on many levels. Ever heard the term 'opening an email can be like a bomb for an Empath'? If its filled with sadness, you will literally feel the energy pouring from it like a large anvil falling on your head. It will pull you, call you, and demand from you a response. And you, as an Empath, will most probably be compelled to give into that urge.

I know this is a confusing topic for most to understand. But its quite simple really. Enhancing your ability for linguistic empathy is basically in all the things you already do. This discussion was merely to make you more aware and cognizant of what you do already. Hope it helps, even if just a little bit.

That ability of dissecting things to the core allows you to see beneath the surface of words alone. It is your internal means of seeking insight which can be used later in forming opinions and developing your own abilities.

Ours is a conglomeration of gifts and abilities. This is what sets the gift of empathy apart from other psychic abilities. We have the ability to literally feel what they feel, its true. And this is an intuitive gift in and of itself. But we can enhance this experience with our natural gift of observation, noting the little details that others fail to see, which include things like linguistics.

Do you know the show Psych? Its kind of like that, in a way. He's not psychic/empathic, its true, but he has an innate ability to observe details which others can not see. He can follow a thread, linking all the minute details together into a bigger picture. This is one of our gifts. Just as we are compelled to listen, we are also compelled to see and recognize on many levels. This is how we become people pleasers. We see someone getting agitated, and we respond to calm them. But its in the little things that we notice that allow us to respond so quickly. Its the same with the written word. ^_^

The Language Of Empathy

2009-07-10T11:47:00.000-07:00

Have you ever experience synchronicity, much less wondered what the heck it was, and wondered what it could all possibly mean? Could the universe really be sending you a message? How about trying to understand a metaphor? Ever looked at an optical illusion and wondered what the point was? What about interpreting dreams? Ever wondered what they really mean, if they contain important messages from spirit, reveal premonitions and/or are prophetic, or give you clues to your own past lives? Have you ever tried to read the online course by Jad Alexander, The Book Of Storms: Lesson In Dreamtongue, and wondered what it all meant and how it relates to being an Empath?

Really, what do any of these things have to do with being an Empath? Well that's what we are going to look at in this discussion. So lets start off with some basic definitions to get the ball rolling, and from there we will look at what all of these things have to do with having an Empathic nature.

The Definitions

Empathy:
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself.

An Empath is a person who has an acute or highly developed sense of empathy. In the paranormal and in some works of science fiction and fantasy, empathy is a paranormal or psychic ability to sense the emotions of others. It is distinguished from telepathy, which allows one to perceive thoughts as well. Occasionally, Empaths are also able to project their own emotions, or to affect the emotions of others.

Dream:
1. a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep
2. an experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream
a. a visionary creation of the imagination : daydream
b. a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality
c. an object seen in a dreamlike state

A Dreamwalker is one who works with and within the dream to understand, to create, to heal, to meet with elderhearts, to journey this realm (out of body), to work with other worlds and realms, to teach, … to be one with the ultimate ONE.

A Lucid Dream, also known as conscious dream, is a dream in which the sleeper is aware that they are dreaming. When the dreamer is lucid, they can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can be extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of self awareness during the lucid dream.

Prophetic Dreams, also referred to as precognitive dreams, are believed to be a form of extra-sensory perception (ESP) in which a person is said to perceive information about places or events through paranormal means before they actually happen.

A Daydream is a dreamlike musing or fantasy while awake, especially of the fulfillment of wishes or hopes. This type of dream occurs in the self aware state of consciousness and is based less on metaphor than it is on wish fulfillment.

A Metaphor is language that directly connects seemingly unrelated subjects. It is a figure of speech that connects two or more things.

A Symbol is something such as an object, picture, written word, sound, or particular mark that represents something else by association, resemblance, or convention.

Symbology is the study or interpretation of symbols or symbolism.

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events which are casually unrelated occurring together in a supposedly meaningful manner. In order to count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.

An Omen is an occurrence or phenomenon believed to portend a future event. An Omen Reader is one who interprets dreams, and signs of synchronicity, omens, in the outer waking world.

An Optical Illusion (also called a visual illusion) is characterized by visually perceived images that differ from objective reality. The information gathered by the eye is processed in the brain to give a percept that does not tally with a physical measurement of the stimulus source. There are three main types: literal optical illusions that create images that are different from the objects that make them, physiological ones that are the effects on the eyes and brain of excessive stimulation of a specific type (brightness, tilt, color, movement), and cognitive illusions where the eye and brain make unconscious inferences.

Linguistics is the study of the nature, structure, and variation of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, sociolinguistics, and pragmatics.

Linguistic Empathy is the ability to share another person's perspective, or 'see through their eyes', through the linguistic patterns of their speech, the symbols and/or metaphors they use, and the emotion imbued in the words, symbols/metaphors, and linguistic patterns of their speech.

Empathic Listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It enabling the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. It is also called active listening or reflective listening.

Intelligence is an umbrella term used to describe a property of the mind that encompasses many related abilities, such as the capacities to reason, to plan, to solve problems, to think abstractly, to comprehend ideas, to use language, and to learn.

Emotional Intelligence is describes an ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.

Interpersonal Skills are all the behaviors and feelings that exist within all of us that influence our interactions with others.

A Point Of View is the perspective from which a speaker or writer tells a story or presents information.

Perspective
1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.
2. a picture employing this technique, esp. one in which it is prominent: an architect's perspective of a house.
3. a visible scene, esp. one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.
4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building's composition is a failure in perspective.
5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
6. the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.
7. a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients.

Understanding The Purpose Of This Discussion

Yeah, I know the definitions section could rival a Webster's Dictionary, but all of those definitions serve an important purpose and they all have much in common when we talk about the language of Empathy. So lets look at how all of these things connect to one another and how they connect to the gift of Empathy. And lets look at why understanding all of them and being able to utilize all of them plays a large role in being an Empath.

In this section, as a sort of lesson in how all of these things work, I'm going to offer some examples of a few of the definitions found above. This is by no means a complete list of any one type listed above, but simply a practical reference to understand how some of these ideas work.

Examples Of Metaphors

* "Between the lower east side tenements the sky is a snotty handkerchief."
(Marge Piercy, "The Butt of Winter")
- In basic terms, this is saying that the sky is covered in clouds by comparing it to a snotty handkerchief. It pulls a feeling of disgust out of the reader and implies that the weather was unpleasant.

* "The streets were a furnace, the sun an executioner."
(Cynthia Ozick, "Rosa")
- This compares the heat of the street to a furnace and the heat of the sun to an executioner. Basically, it says that was a sweltering day that made one feel as though they were going to die of the heat.

* "But my heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill."
(William Sharp, "The Lonely Hunter")
- Comparing the heart to a lonely hunter implies that the heart is empty and alone.

* "Men's words are bullets, that their enemies take up and make use of against them."
(George Savile, Maxims of State)
- This implies that a man's enemies will take that person's words and twist them to use against that person.

* "The rain came down in long knitting needles."
(Enid Bagnold, National Velvet)
- This compares the droplets of rain to knitting needles which implies that the rain was falling hard and fast, and could hurt the skin if it touched it.

Examples Of Symbols

Examples Of Dream Symbols

PEOPLE : Every person that appears in a dream is supposed to represent an aspect of one's Self, and not actually be about that other person at all; rather, it is a quality or characteristic about that person that your dream is focusing on, and how it applies to YOU. Try to think about what aspect(s) this could be. It can be something you admire and wish to emulate and incorporate into your own personality, or it could be a more negative characteristic that you may dislike intensely in your waking life, but which is telling you something about yourself and your beliefs, judgements, & attitude. It could be a call to alter your thinking in some manner, in order to be more open-minded and accepting of this aspect in their and your own personality, because it is hampering your spiritual growth & making life harder for yourself. The other person in your dream is always mirroring something back to you about YOURSELF. Try to discover what that something is, and go from there. Once you get it through your head that the other person's appearance in your dream is NOT about them, but really about YOU, then you will get much more successful interpreting your own dreams. This takes constant reinforcing--I still find myself wanting to think it's about that other person instead of me. The only exception I know of is if the dream is precognitive.

FLYING : usually represents freedom from the physical body, as we experience in sleep & while dreaming where we don't use our physical bodies but instead use our mental & spiritual bodies to experience our dreams. It's one of the first things people attempt to do when they gain control of their dreams and start lucid dreaming. Everybody seems to have a natural inclination to want to fly, unless that is changed by a fear of flying due to a frightening incident in their waking lives. Flying = freedom; either a desire for freedom, an "escape" from restraints in your physical life (like a mini-vacation for the mind) or any number of possiblities. Tie it in with the context of your dream...what were you doing in your dream besides flying? How did it make you feel? etc. Also, the type of flying I'm referring to, here, is the person flying on their own without an airplane or any aircraft at all. That would be a different symbol dealing with spiritual awareness, among other things.

CAR or VEHICLE : This is supposed to symbolize you in your waking life, in your physical body. Your physical body is used by the soul pretty much like we use a car...it's driven for awhile and we give it gas/nourishment & repairs as needed until it stops running, and then we go back home. Pay attention to your car, which symbolizes your VESSEL/physical body. Are you behind the wheel, or is someone else in control? You want to be in charge of your life, naturally. What is the color & condition of this vehicle? Do you seem to be driving it the right way, on a safe road in good condition, or is the road rocky, winding, or suddenly ends at a cliff? That would signal you need redirection. The bigger the vehicle, the more energy you may be successfully using for your daily lessons, depending on the context of your dream. Note all clues as to how you are faring, and make adjustments accordingly.

HOUSE : You drive a car, but typically you LIVE in a house/apartment. Dreams about a HOUSE symbolize a larger aspect of your Self, and the aspects of Self which make the whole. Each room is said to symbolize a different aspect of your Self.

COLORS :

PINK : the color of love in all it's forms. Often used to show healing through love.
RED : passion, anger.
BLACK : the unconscious mind; void; death of the old.
GREY : fear, confusion.
WHITE : truth, "coming clean", purity; can also be symbolic of death & new beginnings.
GREEN : healing, growth, newness.
BLUE : spirituality; could be a metaphor for "being blue".
YELLOW : peacefulness, hope (as in "sunny disposition"); could be a cowardice metaphor.

NUMBERS :

ONE : unity, completeness.
TWO : balance of yin-yang principles, or male/female energies-either it's needed or it's achieved.
THREE : (common dream symbol) the trinity of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit; the 3 principles uniting in harmony, as in body-mind-spirit harmony. This dream has an important spiritual message for you--pay attention!
FIVE : changes!

Examples Of Optical Illusions

Some Optical Illusions play on one's perspective.
Do you see the diverse perspectives in this one?

Some optical illusions use visual metaphors.
Can you see the fists in each window
as humans in the fetal position?

Some optical illusions transform words into other words.

Can you see how 'evil' turns into 'good' here?

Some optical illusions use the spelling of words incorrectly.
One can see this in this optical illusion.

Some optical illusions use word repetition.

Can you see whats wrong with this image?
The word 'the' is used twice in it.

Some optical illusions use color and words to confuse the brain.
In this optical illusion the idea is to say the color
of the word instead of the word itself. Give it a try.

Examples of Synchronicity

* You are suffering with financial difficulties, yet money for basic expenses such as rent, food, and utilities, always manifests. You begin to trust this. At first you thank the universe or god, then you realize you create this abundance. You are learning to watch how you manifest and why, watching yourself from outside the box.

* You have just received your last check from unemployment when suddenly a job comes along.

* You walk into a book store not knowing what to buy, and the book you need falls from a shelf and practically hits you over the head.

* You have been feeling ill with no clear diagnosis. You meet someone who knows a doctor or healer with the answers. All physical problems stem from emotional issues. Your soul will point out the patterns and hopefully the solutions. When the person is ready to heal, the doctor will be there. That person will often show up by synchronicity. This all stems from various levels of depression and self-sabotage stemming from one's DNA or life experiences that have worn them down. When you are confused and in emotional pain, you either have trouble manifesting synchronicities or they are major learning lessons.

* There is a sudden relocation which seems to be for one reason, but later you find much more than you bargained for as the synchronicities rapid occur as if a domino effect. For example, you relocate for a new job, then, as if by synchronicity, someone 'special' comes into your life. You and that person have attracted each other for experience, as all life is nothing more than that. In another case, the energies of the area hold something transformational for you, which is perhaps the reason your soul created the move in the first place.

* You finally end a bad relationship and immediately another partner comes into your life as if by synchronicity.

* You drive to a place where parking is "next to impossible" and someone pulls out of a parking spot or it is waiting for you.

The Language Of Empathy

Now that we've seen the definitions and some examples of some of these things, we come to the part of this discussion where we connect all of these singular and different concepts into one cohesive idea, which we will call The Language Of Empathy.

When we think of the mind, we think of intellect. We think in terms of analytical thought processes which are basically a step by step how-to guide that the mind creates to explain things it encounters in life. Alot of the time the mind will use metaphors and symbols to help exemplify this thought process, because comparative analysis through identification and association with things the mind is already familiar with speed up the analytical thought process.

A wonderful example of this can be found in the archetype of the Wounded Healer. Basically this is a person who has suffered some form of abuse/trauma which allows them to identify with others who have gone through the same or a similar type of abuse and trauma. They do this by taking the other person's pain and issues and associate it with their own similar experiences. By doing this they have a deeper insight into the other person's suffering that someone, who has not experienced similar issues, might.

The mind has many levels, which are separated into the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. One way that these two levels communicate with one another is through dreams. A dream is a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep. A good way to think of a dream is that the mind takes bits and pieces of your daily life and reweaves them into a story that has a moral and a lesson buried somewhere within it. Each piece within a dream is a visual metaphor which helps weave a multifaceted story together. On the surface it seems extremely random, but beneath the surface one will find issues one is currently going through in their waking lives.

Odd coincidences, or synchronicity, can be found in the waking world as well, if one is open to the concept. Seemingly random information will simply appear in front of you which might offer you messages, answers, or directions from the 'universe'. This usually occurs through some sort of visual metaphor, omen, or symbol, which to anyone else would go unnoticed. But to the person that it seems to be meant for, who is going through a specific issue, it comes as a blessing from the 'beyond'.

Metaphors and symbols are also used in writing and visual art. Writers use metaphor to help people better understand a situation they are describing. Some languages, such as Egyptian hieroglyphics, are all do written in symbolic pictures use to represent words. Painters use metaphors such as colors to express an emotion or a particular meaning.

Optical illusions are a great visual way of developing the skill of understanding metaphors and symbols. They offer a simple shifting of perspective which teaches the mind to see beyond the surface of things to what lays beneath it.

So what do all of these things have to do with Empathy? Intellect and the analytical thought processes of the mind are important part of developing ones Emotional Intelligence and Interpersonal Skills. Emotional Intelligence is described as an ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. While Interpersonal skills are defined as all the behaviors and feelings that exist within all of us that influence our interactions with others. Why not try testing your Interpersonal Skills and see where you are at?

Interpersonal Skills Assessment

Determine the personal relevance of each statement to how you see yourself right now.

How Often do You...

* seek approval and affirmation from others, and I am afraid of criticism.
* guess at what normal behavior is, and I usually feel as if I am different from other people.
* isolate myself from and am afraid of people in authority roles.
* am not able to appreciate my own accomplishments and good deeds.
* tend to have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
* get frightened or stressed when I am in the company of an angry person.
* order to avoid a conflict, I find it easier to lie than tell the truth.
* have judged myself harshly. I am my own worst critic, and I am harder on myself than I am on others.
* feel that I am being taken advantage of by individuals and society in general; I often feel victimized.
* take myself very seriously, and I view all of relationships just as seriously.
* have problems developing and maintaining intimate relationships.
* feel guilty when I stand up for myself or take care of my needs first, instead of giving in or taking care of others’ needs first.
* feel responsible for others and find it easier to have concern for others that for myself.
* become impulsive and act too quickly, before considering other actions or possible consequences.
* have difficulty in being able to feel or to express feelings; I feel out of touch with my feelings.

If You found yourself Identifying with a number of this statements, you could likely benefit from working on your interpersonal skills.

Because the mind uses metaphors and symbols to understand the things it encounters in the external waking world, this also applies to the emotions it encounters, as implied in the example of the Wounded Healer archetype. So lets take a quick look at the Empathic Process to remind ourselves how this is applied to the the gift of Empathy.

The Empathic Process

The Empathic Process can first be broken down into two categories; Emotional and Cognitive Empathy.

Emotional Empathy occurs when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious. This kind of Empathy makes someone well-attuned to another person’s inner emotional world.

Cognitive Empathy is having a consciousness of the need to imaginatively put oneself in the place of others in order to genuinely understand them, which requires the consciousness of our egocentric tendency to identify truth with our immediate perceptions of long-standing thought or belief.

The Cognitive Level

Theory Of Mind is the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one's own. In a 2001 research paper, Simon Baron-Cohen describes Theory of Mind as "...being able to infer the full range of mental states (beliefs, desires, intentions, imagination, emotions, etc.) that cause action. In brief, having a theory of mind is to be able to reflect on the contents of one's own and other's minds."

Perspective Taking is the ability to see things from a point of view other than one’s own. In this description, there are a number of different traits. The first is a person recognizing that the self and others can have different thoughts and feelings. The second is a person understanding that different perspectives may occur because individual people are privy to different information. The third is when a person can see through another person's eyes and view their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from the other person's perspective. They also recognize that others can do the same. The fourth is when a person can step away from a one on one situation and imagine how both parties are viewed from a third party perspective. And the last occurs when a person understands that third-party perspective taking can be manipulated by a system of cultural and/or social values.

Cognitive Empathy is having a consciousness of the need to imaginatively put oneself in the place of others in order to genuinely understand them, which requires the consciousness of our egocentric tendency to identify truth with our immediate perceptions of long-standing thought or belief. This trait correlates with the ability to reconstruct accurately the viewpoints and reasoning of others and to reason from premises, assumptions, and ideas other than our own. This trait also correlates with the willingness to remember occasions when we were wrong in the past despite an intense conviction that we were right, and with the ability to imagine our being similarly deceived in a case-at-hand.

The Emotional Level

Emotional Identification is defined as a heightened form of emotional contagion in which the another person's emotions are taken as one's own. Empathic identification is defined as the process to predict people's behavior by using faculty of empathy.

True Empathy is basically another name for Emotional Empathy, in that it occurs when you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious. This kind of Empathy makes someone well-attuned to another person’s inner emotional world.

Emotional Contagion is the tendency to catch and feel emotions that are similar to and influenced by those of others. It is a process in which a person or group influences the emotions or behavior of another person or group through the conscious or unconscious induction of emotion states and behavioral attitudes.

The Language Of Empathy (Cont.)

Is all of this beginning to make a bit more sense? Basically what we are saying is that the language of Empathy is Linguistic Empathy. And that what an Empath does is take the metaphors and symbols, as well as a wide range of other linguistic patterns, a person offers up as they speak or write about their problems, along with the emotions that these metaphors and symbols are imbued with, and interprets them through association and identification. Of course, this is only one level of a multi-leveled process. But it is an extremely important level to understand about what you do.